Tag: Angst

After

.Read here on AO3 | Read the rest of the series here

Takes place after “In The Dark”, Coda for 13X21 “Beat The Devil” 

Pairing: Sabriel

Warnings/Tags: SPOILERS, SPOILERS for season 13, Coda, Coda Fic, Coda for 13X21, Fluff, Angst 

Summary: 

That night, when Sam came back, Gabriel didn’t want to let him go.

Note: This fic wouldn’t leave me alone until I wrote it so here you go!

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~

That night, when Sam came back, Gabriel didn’t want to let him go.

He didn’t believe his eyes at first when Sam showed up back at the camp. Gabriel thought he was a hallucination, that the overwhelming sense of pain and loss he felt inside him had cruelly manifested into the spectral form of his now dead lover, but he wasn’t. He’d known what had happened the moment he saw Lucifer’s smug face behind Sam, and he only barely avoided tearing into his brother for what he’d done.

He brought Sam back, but only as a bargaining chip.

But the sight of Sam, alive, dirty and bloody, but alive, bottled Gabriel’s anger at his brother, at least for the time being. There were more important matters to attend to.  He waited until Dean, Mary, Castiel and Jack had said their pieces before he pulled Sam away.

Gabriel tugged him down, pulling Sam into the tightest hug he could muster. He felt the air leave Sam’s lungs, and a small chuckle escaped between them as Sam hugged him back.

“Miss me?”

Gabriel bit back the urge to snap at him, he knew first hand not everyone got second chances (or third or fourths in Sam’s case) and he didn’t want to mar this with his misplaced anger. “Don’t you ever do that to me again,” he said, trying fruitlessly to stop his voice from cracking.

“I’m fine, Gabriel, really I’m-” Sam tried to shake him off, but Gabriel wouldn’t let go. He buried his face in Sam’s neck, breathing in everything he was, everything that Sam meant to him, the heat and the hate and the love that had passed between them, and held him close.

“Don’t do that again.”

Sam softened against him, his large hands now burrowed in the curls at the nape of Gabriel’s neck. They just stood like that for a moment until the noise from outside became too much for them to ignore. Work called.

“Dean will be looking for you,” Gabriel muttered, letting go. He turned to leave, but Sam took his hand and pulled him back, pressing Gabriel’s knuckles gently to his lips.

“Hey,” Sam said, looking at Gabriel with those impossible eyes. “I’m sorry, I’ll be more careful.”

He leaned in to kiss him and Gabriel’s resolve crumbled. “You better be.”

Sam laughed and walked away, and as Gabriel watched him go, he knew he was fucked, truly and utterly fucked.

In that moment he knew he’d do anything for Sam Winchester. He’d follow him to the gates of Hell and back.  

He didn’t know he’d signed his death warrant.

The Past Loves of Sam Winchester AKA Five Relationships Sam had had and one he wished he did

Read it here on AO3

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Sam/ Madison, Sam/Sarah Blake, Sam/Ruby, Sam/Amelia, Sam/Gabriel 

Warnings: Angst , Mentions Canon Deaths, 5+1 Fic 

Written for the Sincerely Sam Club on Supernatural Amino

Prompt: Relationships.

Summary: Most people have fond memories of past loves, All Sam has is regrets.

~~~~

1. Jess

Jess was like spring, warm and welcoming the beginning of something wonderful. Sam felt alive when he was with her, shedding his old life like a baby bird breaking out of its shell. He was a new person when he was with her, someone who had never killed a vampire, or almost watched his brother die. With Jess, he was normal, a college boy whose biggest worry was failing his chemistry test. Jessica loved him unabashedly, and he loved her the same way, with the passion of a first love that he was sure would be his last.

And then she burned on the ceiling.

2. Madison

Madison was like fall, brisk and tart and exciting. She was the first person he’d felt anything for since he lost Jess, a completely different flavor than the one he had gotten so used to. She made him want to believe that the monsters he’d grown up to fear could be people like anyone else, that they could live normal lives, even fall in love. She tasted like the first breath of autumn when he kissed her, like the smokiness of a bonfire. Madison came alive in his hands, and she made him feel more alive than he had in months. In her, he had hope that he wasn’t completely broken.

And then she asked him to kill her.

3. Sarah

Sarah was like winter, a bright snowy sunset of a woman. She was every bit as beautiful as the art displayed displayed in her father’s gallery. And she was clever too, didn’t sit back and let Sam and Dean save her from the cursed painting that was wreaking havoc. She put herself at risk, in order to get to the bottom of what was going on. Sam couldn’t say that for everyone. He tried to stop his feelings for her from growing, knowing what would happen. People who he cared about only ended up dead, he hadn’t accounted on her returning his feelings. He let himself enjoy a couple days with her, hoping beyond all hope that someday, he could go back for her.

And then she died.

4.Ruby

Ruby was like summer, hot, brutal and unrelenting. She was addictive in a way he hadn’t tasted before, enticing him down to the very soul. He knew he should stay away from her, he had known from the beginning what she was and what she was capable of, but he didn’t care. There was something freeing about being with her, ignoring the rational part of his brain and do what felt good for once in his life. She was always up for anything, always ready to do what needed to be done, even if it wasn’t the best way. He felt like she was the only one who understood him, the only one who knew what he really was.

And then she betrayed him.

5. Amelia

Amelia was like spring, like a second chance, like the rebirth of his perfect life. Dean was gone, and he’d told Sam not to look for him. Sam didn’t know how he could even begin to put his life back together, and then he hit a dog. Just another bad thing in a string of bad things that always happened to him, and then he met Amelia. Before he knew it, they were living together, living the kind of live he had always dreamed of. He told her about Dean and she told him about Don, and together they began gather the broken pieces of their respective lives, and used them to build a new one together. But Dean came back, and there was no room for Sam.

And then he left her.

+1. Gabriel

Gabriel was like no one Sam had ever known before. He was power and energy wrapped in an enigma, and Sam had barely even begun to scratch the surface. He hated Gabriel and he admired him. Gabriel had tortured him, played on his pain, but he had also help him see his faults, and in the end, Sam forgave him. But it was too late, by the time Sam realized the depth of his feelings for the archangel, he was lying dead on the floor of a dirty motel. He’d gone up to bat for them, thrown himself into the fire, and paid with what he’d been running from his entire existence.

Sam had lost so many people he loved, it was hard to say which one had hurt the most. But this one, this hurt in a different way, because Gabriel never knew how he felt about him, and now he never would.

Sam buried whatever had been growing between them in the graveyard of his past loves, with all the others, and kept moving forward.

In the Beginning -Gabriel’s Origins:  Part 2

Summary: Gabriel had always been aware the Michael and Lucifer were a little different than the rest of them. Everything about them was black or white, right or wrong, up or down. There was no middle ground, no shades of gray with the two oldest of his brothers.  When they loved, it was absolute, and nothing would sway them from that course, but they fought with the same ferocity.  

Read the rest here:  Part 1 |

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1945

Warnings: Fighting, angst, violence

In The Beginning – Gabriel’s Origins Master List

 This was written as the second part of @archangelgabriellives‘s 2400 followers celebration. Thank you Alison for this wonderful challenge, I had so much fun writing it and I can’t see where it goes from here! 

~~~~~~~~~

Gabriel had always been aware the Michael and Lucifer were a little different than the rest of them.

Everything about them was black or white, right or wrong, up or down. There was no middle ground, no shades of gray with the two oldest of his brothers.  When they loved, it was absolute, and nothing would sway them from that course, but they fought with the same ferocity.  

When they first started fighting, Gabriel had simply shrugged it off as something that happened, angels fought all the time, but they got more and more frequent and worse and worse in intensity.

It got to the point where they shook all of Heaven. The other angels cowered, hiding in clusters, talking in frightened whispered as if Michael or Lucifer could hear them. Gabriel wanted to, he wanted to run and run until he couldn’t hear it, but the others were looking to him for guidance, and despite the fact that each shout made his knees quake, he pretended like it was beneath his notice.

His father didn’t seem to notice, so Gabriel tried to put it behind him.

Between his shouting matches with Michael, Lucifer was growing restless. He paced Heaven like a caged animal, one moment open and friendly and the next, sending their siblings scrambling with the barest of glances. Gabriel tried to keep him busy, hoping beyond all hope that he could reach him, to pull him back from the edge where he was so precariously teetering before it was too late. That was how Gabriel ended up learning magic.

It had started with just a few simple things, creating small objects, sleight of hand tricks that were only good for a laugh, and Lucifer was more than happy to teach him. The other angels stayed away from him, too intimidated by his reputation or too scared of displeasing Michael to even try. But Gabriel wasn’t scared of his brother.

Lucifer stood in the heavenly grove where they had chosen to practice, his empty hand held out in front of him.

“Watch closely,” he instructed, his voice steady and even.

Gabriel stared into his brother’s palm and watched in awe as a butterfly manifested itself out of thin air. It fluttered its wings gently, before taking off into the air.

“The trick is not making them too perfect,” Lucifer explained. “Little imperfections here and there, but not enough to really draw the eye. You try.”

Gabriel held out his hand, pushing his grace down his arm and out his hand, just like Lucifer had taught him. He closed his eyes and another butterfly appeared in his palm, wings brushing gently against his fingers.   

Lucifer bent forward, examining the creature with a discerning eye. “Good…for a first try,” he grinned, and it was almost like the old Lucifer was looking back at him, instead of the monster who had all but replaced him. “Let’s try something a little harder.”

Lucifer stood back from him, his wings stretched out wide behind him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. With his exhale, a doppelgänger faded into view next to him.

Gabriel couldn’t contain his awe. “Oh my Dad!” He exclaimed, circling the double in excitement. It was his brother up and down, through and through. There was not a single difference that he could spot. “How did you… what?….why?…I don’t even care!” He laughed. “Teach me!”   

Lucifer returned his laughter. “It’s the same as the butterfly,” he explained, snapping his fingers. Another double appeared next to the second, but this one was their brother Raphael. “Why don’t you try? Do Michael.”

“M-Michael?”  

His brother’s face lost its relaxed look, tightening his mouth into a straight line. “Yes, Michael,”

“I could do myself first…or Castiel…or…”

“Michael,” Lucifer insisted, stepping closer to him.   

Gabriel couldn’t hesitate again, he knew that if he did, Lucifer would get angry and that was exactly what he was trying to avoid. He snapped his fingers quickly, hoping that if he did it, the Lucifer he loved would return.

His Michael popped into existence, looking almost as menacing as the original. Lucifer grinned, but there was no warmth in his smile, only a manic sort of intensity.

Gabriel was relieved when Jeremiah appeared over a cloudbank, flying as if his very life depended on it.  

“What do you want?” Lucifer growled as their brother landed, his eyes darting questioningly at the Michael double that was standing next to Gabriel.  

“M-m-Michael said to fetch you…sir,” Jeremiah told him, looking down and not meeting Lucifer’s angry gaze. “He…he wanted you to come at once.”

Gabriel could feel the rage pulsing off his brother like a typhoon, dark, intense and unpredictable. It made him want to throw up.

“Tell Michael, I will be there soon,” Lucifer replied through gritted teeth, dismissing Jeremiah with a wave of his hand. Jeremiah made himself scarce.  

He was barely out of sight when Lucifer exploded.  

“Who does he think he is?!” He raged, every trace of the calm he’d been exhibiting when they’re started wiped from his face. “That he can beckon me to his side like a dog? I am not one of his cronies!”

“Lu, I know. He doesn’t mean it like that-“ Gabriel tried, but Lucifer would not be stopped.

“I am his equal, not his subordinate!” Lucifer screamed. “He has gotten prideful. He thinks he’s Father!”

“He’s not Dad,” Gabriel pleaded. “It’s okay, it’s …Lu, please-“

Gabriel watched in horror as Lucifer withdrew his blade, and sunk it into the double Michael’s chest, watching with twisted joy as he contorted in pain and expired, light shooting out of his eyes. Lucifer held the double while he died, twisting his blade until there was no more pain to be drawn.   

He pulled his blade out, wiping it on his tunic as the double melted into nothingness. He fixed Gabriel with a dark stare, as if challenging him to say or do anything, but Gabriel was frozen, watching the monster wearing his brother’s face.

“Now,” Lucifer composer himself, his angry countenance melting into one of a penitent. “If you’ll excuse me, I have our brother to attend to.”

~~~~~~~

By the time Lucifer summoned Gabriel for his next lesson, Lucifer was in a much better mood. Michael had been away from Heaven on some mission from their Father, and in his absence, Lucifer was calm and relaxed.

“Have you been practicing?” Lucifer asked Gabriel, reclining on a cloud in a different glade than last time. Gabriel thought it best to get as far away from the rest of his siblings as possible. They didn’t understand.

“I have,” Gabriel grinned at him. He’d been practicing incessantly since the last time, hoping he could distract Lucifer with his progress. He snapped his fingers, and a double of himself appeared beside them.

Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up, he looked impressed, if only for a moment as he circled Gabriel’s double. “Good,” he nodded. “You’re doing great, Gabe,”

“I’m just getting started,” Gabriel challenged, snapping his fingers three times more. Doubles of himself, Raphael and Michael fell in line besides the first.

His brother hesitated for just a moment, and Gabriel’s hearted swelled with pride. He could tell that he’d caught his brother off guard, but he wasn’t through quite yet. He snapped once more.

A double of their father appeared.

“Gabriel…” Lucifer whispered, reaching out to touch their Father gently on his face. “You’ve truly outdone yourself,” he said with a grin. “Now, the true test… make them speak… all of them.”

Gabriel swallowed. He’d been expecting Lucifer to test him like this, doubles weren’t doubles unless they could speak and act like the original after all, but could he make them all speak at once?

He took a deep breath and concentrated, reaching out with his grace just like Lucifer had taught him. This was no different than the butterfly, he told himself, no different at all. Lucifer believed in him, always believed in him, even if Michael and Raphael looked down on him, and he would show him he was worthy of his confidence.

The doubles began conversing with each other, each of them in a voice that sounded identical to their own. Gabriel flashed Lucifer a smile, reveling in the look of approval his brother gave him.

“Well…” came a voice from behind them. “That was… fascinating.”

They both turned with a start to find Michael and Raphael standing behind them. Raphael looked almost thunderstruck, but Michael, Michael was wearing a look that made Gabriel want to run and hide.

“So this is what you’ve been teaching him, brother?” Michael asked. “This blasphemy?”   

“It’s none of your business,” Lucifer shot back, his wings flaring out behind him. “Not everything needs your approval.”  

Michael kept a straight face. “With Father gone-“

“You aren’t Dad, Michael,” he yelled. “Stop trying to be!”  

Gabriel tensed. Even though Michael looked calm, Gabriel could tell from his posture he was seething. No one talked back to him, least of all his brother.  

“Lucifer, I’m sure you didn’t mean that,” he said calmly. “I’ll give you time to …compose yourself,”

Lucifer’s lip twitched. “I meant every word,” his blade slid into existence.  

“Brother, don’t make me do this,” Michael sighed, his own blade appearing in his hand.  

“No one makes us do anything,” Lucifer snarled.  

Gabriel couldn’t take it anymore. “Stop!” He screamed, getting between them. “Both of you just stop!”

Neither of his brothers moved, their eyes on him, each gaze different but the same in their intensity.  

“Gabriel…” Michael addressed him. “There’s no reason to get upset, Lucifer was just-“

“No, Michael,” Gabriel would not be silenced. He couldn’t do this, something was broken in his family and he had to do something about it. “You’ve both changed,” he shouted. “Dad wouldn’t want this!”

“Well Dad isn’t here anymore, is he?” Lucifer growled, keeping one eye on Gabriel and the other on Michael and Raphael.

“Whose fault is that?” Michael retorted. “We all know he left because of you!”  

Gabriel could listen to no more, he launched himself into the sky, away from his brothers, away from everything he loved and held dear. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.  

He had tried time and time again to make them stop fighting. He’d tried talking to them each of them, he’d tried talking to both of them, he’d even tried having Raphael talk to them but nothing ever stuck. They always promised they would stop, but they never did for long. The feeling of helplessness blossomed in his gut as he flew, knowing that one day this would all come to a head.

Some day, some day soon, they would go too far. It made him sick just to think of it, it would be more than he could bear, and there was nothing he could do to avoid it.

One of them would kill the other and Gabriel, Gabriel would be forced to watch it all

… unless….

Lucifer found him hours later, curled up under his wings in a forgotten corner of heaven, still trying to get the anger in his brothers’ voices out of his head.  

“Gabe?”   

Gabriel looked through his wings at his brother.

“Michael and I, we’re sorry,” he said, laying a hand on Gabriel’s back. “We didn’t mean it, it’s…hard with Dad being gone…it won’t happen again.”

Like every time they’d said it before, Gabriel knew that was a lie.

He would be forced to watch one of his brothers die, felled by the other’s hand.

Unless he did something about it.

______________

Chapter 3 by: @phantomwarrior12

Gabriel Origins Authors: @ttttrickster @phantomwarrior12 @digi-doubles @sugar-high-viking@callmemisshorizon @maximumsuckage @tricksterxangel @sp8b8 @nobodys-baby-nowthewhiterabbit42 @warlockwriter @lastsavinggrace @archangelsanonymous @archangelashiah@archangel-with-a-shotgun

The Brighter the Light

Read in here on AO3 – Read the rest of “Lessons in Healing” series here

Rating:T

Pairing: Sabriel 

Word Count: 548

Tags: SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 13, SPN SPOILERS, Coda, Coda fic, Coda for 13X22, nightmares, angst, sadness

Summary: “The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.”

― Jay Kristoff, Nevernight

Sam’s dreams were filled with light.

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationspostsmaui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~~

Sam’s dreams were filled with light.

It was bright, brighter than he’d ever seen, blocking out every other sight around him. He squinted, holding his hand up, trying to shield his eye so he could see where it was coming from. The light enveloped him fully, making him feel like he’d sunk into a warm deep bath. It was all around him, seeping into his very skin.

“All I did on earth was run, I’m not running any more.”

The words reverberated around him, and with every syllable, the light dimmed until Sam could finally see where it was coming from.

Gabriel

The light was coming from Gabriel, and the angel blade buried deep in his chest.

Time seemed to reverse as the events of the last day flooded in. Sam was drowning in them, trying to keep afloat in a sea of torment and guilt.

Sam saw the ever-shifting light of the rift they had open, he saw the people from the other world crossover one by one. He saw himself and Dean, Lucifer and finally Gabriel, his mouth set in a straight line, the most solemn Sam had ever seen him.

His heart sank before he even saw Michael land next to them, knowing what was going to happen and not being able to do a single thing to stop it.

“Gabriel, don’t,”

Sam could only watch as Lucifer and Michael fought, as Gabriel stepped forward and uttered those fateful words.

“All I did on Earth was run, I’m not running any more.”

Sam wanted to scream at him to run, that taking on Michael as weak as he was, was suicide, but no words came out. He could feel the  ferocious crackle of power as Michael and Gabriel came together, washing over him like a tidal wave of electricity.

It was over in a matter of minutes.

Sam cried out his name as he saw Michael’s blade hit home, gasping for breath as the smell of scorched feathers engulfed him, and he awoke with a start.

He was trembling, his sheets damp with sour smelling sweat, wound tightly around him like a tourniquet from where he’d tossed in his sleep.

It took Sam a moment to orient himself with where he was. The bunker was full of noise, the low chatter of people talking, snoring, grunting in their sleep, and after the relative silence he was used to, he heard every little sound. What he didn’t hear was what he wanted most.

“Hey, kiddo,”

Sam mopped a hand over his face, trying to drive the memory of Gabriel’s death from his mind. He tried to remind himself that they had thought Gabriel was dead once before, that he’d tricked all of them into believing it and that it was entirely possible he had pulled the same stunt he had last time. It was entirely possible, but Sam knew the truth in his heart.

He took a deep breath and held it, keeping the sob that was tickling the back of his throat trapped within him, until he had no choice but to breathe. Sam grabbed his pillow, holding it to his face as he cried, muffling the anguish that poured out of him like a burst pipe.

Gabriel was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.

In the Dark

Read here on AO3

Rating: M

Pairing: Sabriel

Tags: SPOILERS, Season 13 SPOILERS, SPOILERS for 13X21, Coda, Coda for 13X21, angst, blood, gore

Summary:  It all happened so fast.  

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~

It all happened so fast.  

One moment it was quiet, the only sound their own breathing in the dark, and the next, the air was filled with screams.  

At first, Gabriel didn’t know what happened. He was moving the rocks that blocked their way as fast as he could, his skin crawling at the thought of the things that lurked in the dark. If he’d been full powered, they would have been no problem, but his grace …dysfunction left him feeling vulnerable.

He didn’t even hear them until they grabbed someone. He turned to see a flurry of activity and to hear Sam and Dean screaming each other’s names.  

He rushed over to help, but it was all over so quickly. What he did see was two vamps holding Sam and then the sickening spurt of blood as they ripped into his throat.  

Gabriel felt as if time around him stop, as if each second was a drip of water slowly rolling down a slick surface and eventually dropping to the ground. He didn’t hear the strangled cry that tore from his throat, or the scream of anguish from Dean that punched the air like a sucker punch.  

He was frozen as the creatures dragged Sam away, Dean and Castiel charging down the dark corridor after him.  

Each moment stretched longer and longer, the beating of his heart echoing in his ears. Finally, Dean and Cas returned, Dean’s face white and drawn.

They were alone.

Sam was gone, and he had done nothing to stop it.  

Dean lead the group out of the cave in tense silence, but Gabriel’s mind would not be quiet.

Coward.

Worthless.

Joke.

Failure.

He was an archangel, one of the most powerful beings that his father had ever created and he couldn’t even muster the grace to protect one lousy human.  

Sam was the only person that had ever believed in Gabriel, the only one who had ever given a damn about what he was feeling after he’d be rescued from Asmodeus. He had put his faith in Gabriel, and he had paid for it with his life.  

Sam was dead because of him.

Tears blurred Gabriel’s vision as they stepped into the light. Everything in him screamed to go back for Sam, but he knew it was hopeless. Sam was dead and there was not a single thing he could do about it.  

Everything from there on out was a blur, as lost as he was in his own head. His ancient brain pulled every memory he had of Sam back from their first meeting at Crawford Hall to the more recent look of horror at his momentary indiscretion with the witch whose name he didn’t even care to remember.  

Nothing registered with him, not Mary or Castiel or Dean, not until he met his nephew, Jack.  

Gabriel saw a flash of Lucifer in him, but that was quickly replaced. Although he may have had Lucifer’s proud bearing, everything about him was Cas and Sam. Gabriel felt another bittersweet rush of affection for Sam. He didn’t owe Jack anything, and yet Gabriel could tell from the way he was speaking that Sam had gone out of his way to make him feel loved and wanted despite who his father was and what he had done.  

Jack was pacing, as if torn between anger and sorrow, and Gabriel couldn’t even look at him.

“Why didn’t you bring him back?” He asked, glaring between Cas and Gabriel.

Gabriel’s voice cracked, and he felt the weight of every word on his tongue like a shot through his heart.

“Not strong enough.”

Cracked and Broken

Read it here on Ao3 

Read the rest of “Lessons in Healing” here

Pairing: Sabriel 

Warnings: SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 13, SPOILERS FOR 13X18, Torture, Abuse, Trigger warnings, Coda Fic, Coda for 13X18, 13X18 Bring ‘Em Home Alive

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~~~

“Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it’s safer inside. No more torture, no more pain, no more expectations. I’ve been there. You were nothing like your family, you sure as hell weren’t like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I thought I got out. But then? Then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I try to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure yeah hookers and Monte Carlo sounds great but your family needs you. Your nephew, Jack. needs you. The world needs you, we need you…Gabriel, I need you,”  Sam paused. “So please help us.”

Something behind the vacant eyes stirred.

Gabriel peered out from behind the carefully constructed wall he had built. Leave it to Sam fucking Winchester to be the one to pull him out again. He’d been the one who pulled him into the fray last time they’d been in trouble, so it was only fitting that he’d be the one to do it now.

He didn’t want to listen, he was just fine where he was thank-you-very-much, protected from everything that had happened, but he couldn’t help it. He’d always had a soft spot for Sam and his stupid heart of gold, and he knew it.

Gabriel had thought about going back, after Sam and Dean stuffed his brothers back into the cage, but he didn’t think they’d ever forgive him. He’d given them the keys, yes, but he’d run away just like before. He couldn’t face them again, and honestly after what he’d put them through, they were better off without him.

Monte Carlo was a much safer choice.

It was uncomplicated, no monsters, no beautifully tragic hunters who tugged his heart strings in ways he didn’t want to admit, just booze and excess and all the pornstars he could bang his way through. And even if they all reminded him of Sam in one way or another, there was no one here to call him out on it.

But then they’d sold him out, the demigods who he had considered his family had given him to the last Prince of Hell. It had seemed like it was all over for him, as if he was destined to be Asmodouche’s angelic juice box for the rest of his life, but fate had landed him right back in the place where he’d been running from; fighting, destruction, and Sam Winchester’s stupid hazel eyes.

He wouldn’t have blamed Sam for hating him, he wouldn’t have blamed him for making him suffer just a little, but Sam had gone and done the worst thing he could possibly do; he’d forgiven him, and now he was standing there, begging him to come back.

The world needs you.

If it was Dean, or Castiel, he could have maybe resisted, but Sam, Sam was a different story. He always had been. Gabriel had been lost from the first moment he’d seen him on Earth, all the way back in Crawford Hall, and Gabriel was caught like a fish on a hook.

No matter how much he wiggled and fought, he couldn’t seem to get away from him.

Gabriel could feel the walls that had kept him safe crumbling, and with a sigh, he stepped past them, back into the crumbling vessel he’d taken all those years ago.  

Flashes of memory washed over him like tidal waves, knocking him back a couple of steps with each and every one.

Lucifer in the Elysian Fields motel, his vessel decaying with every stinking breath. The tear that ran down his face as he stood over Gabriel’s double. ‘Taught me all my tricks, my ass’  he thought with a smirk.

Monte Carlo. Hedonism in ways he hadn’t seen since the old pagan days, sex, and booze and not having to think about any of it. He could have stayed here until the end of time, wallowing in his own guilt and burying it any way he could night after night.

It hadn’t lasted long.

Gabriel braced himself for the next hit, the pain that he knew was coming, following Sam’s voice back to himself like Hansel and Gretel following breadcrumbs back home.

Betrayal. Being sold to Asmodeus by the people who were his second family. Blood and torture and pain. The agony when they sewed his lips together, stitch by stich by stitch, it lanced through him.

Gabriel staggered backwards, towards the safety of what he’d built, but he kept pushing forward, even ashis knees shook.

Having his grace drained over and over, the pleasure with which Asmodeus abused him. It all hurt so much. He cried out for his father, for his brothers, for anyone to hear him and rescue him from the torture, but no one ever came. Eventually he stopped trying, he built a wall inside himself to shrink into when it got to be too much. He let himself grow numb.

Gabriel remembered hearing his brother’s voice once. Even with Asmodeus stealing his grace, he was drawn to Lucifer’s light. He was so, so close now, he was here, but Gabriel had not the will to call to him, he had nothing left. He was never going to get out of this place.

It turned out Fate had other plans for him. Gabriel had known what Arthur Ketch was the moment he had laid eyes on him, a monster in human skin. He could smell the blood on his hands, the shrieks of his victims, but there was also something else interesting about him. There was still light there, a small fractured part of him that wanted to repent, to do good.

We need you.

It was that part of him that grabbed Gabriel and ran. Gabriel knew that it wasn’t about saving him, it was about sticking it to Asmodeus, about showing him that he didn’t own Ketch, but it was also about proving he could do something right, that he could give the Winchesters what they needed to make things right.

Sam was the only person who could possibly understand what he’d been through, the only person who tried to talk to him on a personal level. Sam had been tortured by Lucifer, had clawed his way back from the brink and despite everything he’d been through because of Gabriel’s family, Sam still believed in him.

He was so close now, looking at Sam’s face out of his own eyes, seeing how he cracked and broke with each passing moment of silence. His eyes were wet, and he blinked furiously as if trying to will it away. He looked so…broken, and that was all it took.

Gabriel, I need you.

Sam sighed and walked towards the door, turning his back on Gabriel.

“Porn stars,” Gabriel rasped out finally as Sam reached for the doorknob.

Sam flipped around, his eyes round and wild, and Gabriel couldn’t resist throwing him a teasing smirk, his own eyes glowing with heavenly grace under his raised eyebrow.

“They were porn stars, Sam.”

nanika67:

midnightstar789:

nanika67:

doctor-zyre:

nanika67:

doctor-zyre:

nanika67:

ttttrickster:

MY SABRIEL BIG BANG FIC IS OFFICIALLY DONE 

Get reaaaaaaaady for some feels folks! I have seen a bit of this fic during its creation and it will pull your heart strings and make you laugh and cry. The bittersweet story is wonderful with a happy ending for all you people looking for some sabriel angst. Get ready to read it soon!!!

I need A guide to Prepare for Sabriel Feelings…

@doctor-zyre There’s no guide @ttttrickster threw it out the window. All you can do is brace your self for buckets of angst and feels. With a tiny sprinkle of happiness.

I…. But…. There must be….

@doctor-zyre this is what happens to your guide to survive the sabriel angst when you read the fic.

“This chapter has so much angst, You could call it a episode of spn when they kill a favorite character off.” -my reaction to the ending

@nanika67 I thought you said it supposedly has a happy ending?!

@midnightstar789 there is! “With a tiny sprinkle of happiness.” I said. The ending is happy but the road there…

You guys are all ridiculous but I love you

ttttrickster:

Ohio (Come Back to Texas) on Ao3

Pairing: Sabriel

Tags: AU, High School AU, Band AU

Summary:Sam just wants Gabriel to come back so he can make everything right. All rights to the song, Ohio (Come Back to Texas) belongs to Bowling for Soup. I just borrowed it for this fic 🙂

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal

~~~~

Sam couldn’t believe that he’d finally done it.

Gabriel was gone.

After years of talking about how he was going to get out of Denton County, out of Texas all together, Gabriel had done it. They’d been best friends since the first grade when Sam and his family had moved to Texas, and Sam had hoped for something more, once they’d gotten their lives, but Gabriel had left him behind.  

The rumor going around was that Gabriel had run away to Ohio with some guy he’d met at the bank. Sam didn’t want to believe it, and as much as he loved his best friend, it actually sounded like something Gabriel would do. He was reckless and stubborn, unpredictable at the best of times, and when he’d made up his mind to do something, nothing in the world could change it.

Keep reading

Saving Grace

Read it here on AO3

Rating: Mature

Pairing: Sabriel if you squint

Warnings/Tags: SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR 13X13, CODA FOR 13X13, FIX-IT FIC, Angst, Blood, Medical Procedure, hurt/comfort, Pain

DID I MENTION SPOILERS?!?!?!

Tagging everyone who encouraged me to finish it!:

@sammy-spirit-winchester @doctor-zyre @nanika-67 @wacheypena @whinywingedwinchester @winchestergirl-13 @valkeri-spirit@laffytaffyhumor  

~~~~~~

Gabriel had not said a word since they rescued him.

From the moment that Ketch had let slip that Asmodeus had Gabriel held captive in Hell,  Castiel had worked like a man possessed. Dean pretended it was no big deal, that they would get Gabriel back and get out, but Sam wasn’t so sure. The news had caught him completely unaware and he didn’t like it.

Gabriel was dead, had been dead, he had been so sure of it. He’d seen the burnt wings on the floor of the Elysian Fields Motel himself, and they’d chalked up Cas’ vision of him as another trick of Metatron’s used to manipulate them into doing what he wanted.

But if Ketch was to be believed, Gabriel was alive, and rotting in Hell’s dungeon. Sam didn’t want to imagine what Gabriel had been through, and he didn’t have too. He’d been a prisoner in Hell too, still had nightmares from the torture he’d suffered, and Gabriel was still trapped.

Sam quickly joined Cas in his mission, Gabriel had died for them after all, had tried to help them in his own twisted way, and Sam wouldn’t leave his worst enemy to the fate that Gabriel was currently living.

When they got to him, finally got to him, it was so much worse than what Sam had imagined. Dean was breathing hard behind him, as Sam leaned in to peer into the cell. He could smell the blood and rot and decay through the small window.

“Gabriel?”

The man in the cell put his head up and a gasp caught painfully in Sam’s throat. His face was covered in blood, his golden eyes were hazy and unfocused, and his lips were sewn shut. It didn’t take him long to remember his history, of Loki, whose lips had been sewn shut because of his silver tongue. In the most gruesome way Sam could imagine, history had repeated itself.

Sam stepped back and let Cas pop the lock on the cell. Cas was Gabriel’s brother; Sam knew that he would want to be the first one Dean saw if it was his brother like this. But Gabriel didn’t look up, even when Cas touched his shoulder. He stared straight ahead, like he was looking through him. Time was short, and Sam stepped in the moment it became clear Gabriel wasn’t going to move on his own. He put an arm under Gabriel’s and eased him to his feet.

“It’s gunna be okay,” Sam whispered as they hurried back out the way they came. It was only a matter of time before more demons came for them, and he was sure Asmodeus would be on their tail when he figured out they stole his prize goose. “We got you, it’s alright.”

Gabriel’s only response was to grasp a hand to Sam’s shirt.

It was only when they were safely back in the bunker that they began to treat Gabriel’s wounds. He cowered any time Cas put his hands on him to heal him, so they decided that as long as nothing was dire, they weren’t going to traumatize him any further.

Sam tried to walk away to get some supplies, but Gabriel had a death grip on his flannel. He hadn’t made any noise at all on their way back to the Bunker, but his grip on Sam had only gotten tighter.

“Dean…” Sam gave him an awkward smile. “A little help here? Could you get me the med kit?”

Dean snorted, but complied when Sam flashed him a bitchface. He returned a couple minute later, putting it down on the table next to Sam. With a glance, he also put down an angel blade. Sam didn’t have to ask for an explanation. ‘Just in case’

“I’ll…uhh… leave you to it then. Call us if you need anything.”

“Hey Gabe,” Sam started as Dean left the room, trying to find the best wait to treat his wounds around his arm. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m gunna patch you up, you can let go.” But Gabriel’s hand didn’t loosen, so Sam had to work around him.

He began by cleaning the blood from Gabriel’s face so he could see where the cuts were. With all the blood and dirt covering him, it was hard to tell where it ended and his skin began. To Gabriel’s credit, he didn’t flinch, even when Sam found cuts under the blood.

The pile of dirty gauze on the table grew larger and larger by the moment, but finally Gabriel’s face and neck were clean, and Sam could access the damage fully. It was worse than he’d originally thought.

Whoever made these cuts had know what they were doing, they were both ragged and deep, with some kind of material rubbed into the wounds. Sam did his best to be gentle as he cleaned them out. It must have been excruciating, but Gabriel didn’t make sound, just stared through him.

When all the cuts were cleaned, Sam threaded a needle and began to stitch them closed. He wasn’t a plastic surgeon, but thanks to years of experience sewing both himself and Dean up, his stitches were pretty damn good. Because of the severity of the wounds, Sam doubted it mattered; unless Gabriel allowed Cas to heal him, or did it himself, they would scar hideously.

That only left his lips.

Sam wanted to throw up every time he looked at them, those cruel, deliberate stitches. It wasn’t even the stitches themselves that made bile rise up in his throat. It was the message behind them. Whoever had done this to him had not only stripped Gabriel of his freedom, but they had stripped him of who he was, his voice.

Aside from his eyes, Gabriel’s voice was always the first  thing Sam remember about him, the teasing tone and timbre of it, his laugh, Sam’s name on his tongue. They had taken it all.

Hesitantly, he reached for the angel blade. If anything could cut the thread, it would be that.

“Gabe?” he said. “I’m… I’m going to cut these. It’s going to hurt… I’m sorry,” he gulped, his hand shaking a little. He’d stitched and treated dozens of Dean’s wounds, but there was nothing that had prepared him for this. “If it’s too bad, tap me and I’ll stop.”

Gabriel made no movement, other than his hand clenching tighter in Sam’s shirt. Sam took that as an okay, and slowly, he began to cut.

They didn’t cut easily, and Sam held his breath as he sawed away at them, as gently as he could. He expected Gabriel to make some sort of noise, a grunt, something, anything based on the pain, but he was silent. Sam could feel sweat beading on his skin as he tried to keep his hands from shaking as he finished.

He fought with the rising nauseous feeling in his gut as he began to gingerly remove the thread that had kept Gabriel’s lips together. They came out easily enough, but the bloody, puckered holes they left in Gabriel’s skin were almost worse than the cutting itself.

Sam cleaned the holes as best he could and slathered them in ointment, more to keep himself busy than anything else. He felt increasingly helpless as he looked at Gabriel, remembering him in all his former glory. They’d left him as a shell, and Sam wondered if he would ever come back.

With his face and lips taken care of, Sam moved to the rest of his body. The white robe he was wearing was dirty, but he didn’t seem to be bleeding under it, so Sam decided a shower might be the best option. He helped Gabriel up from the table, and down the hall towards one of the Bunker’s many bathrooms.

“I’m gunna run a hot shower for you,” Sam told him. “That’ll be nice, right? You just gotta let go.”

Gabriel’s grip got tighter and Sam sighed. He wasn’t going to let go anytime soon, and deep inside, Sam didn’t blame him. If Hell for Gabriel was anything like it had been for Sam, he would have given anything for something real to hold onto.

He settled for running a warm bath instead.

Because he couldn’t get Gabriel’s robe off while Gabriel was clutching his shirt, Sam settled for cutting it off. He didn’t think Gabriel would mind either way, long angelic robes weren’t really his style. He eased Gabriel into the water, and tried as hard as he could to keep his gaze at his chin.

Sam could almost hear Gabriel’s voice as he washed him, lewd and teasing in his ear.

‘See anything you like, Sammich?’

‘The last time someone gave me a bath, I got a happy ending’

‘Why don’t you join me?’

He shoved the painful thought from his mind. What was in front of him was painful enough without his unrequited feelings for the angel butting in.

The water was almost black by the time he finished, wrapping an extra towel around Gabriel’s form. He knew a bath wouldn’t fix everything, but it was a step in the right direction. When he had Gabriel dry and dressed in his extra clothing, he took him back to his room.

Sam was left at an impasse. Gabriel would need sleep to replenish his grace, and heal himself, but he still hadn’t let go. He had two choices, he could either try and make Gabriel let go, or get into bed with him; he chose the latter.

He toed off his shoes, and carefully manueverd both Gabriel and himself, fully clothed, into his bed and under his blankets. It was a tight fit and Sam put his arm around him in order to get comfortable.

“We’ll get whoever did this to you,” Sam whispered, more for his own benefit than Gabriel’s. He wasn’t even sure Gabriel heard him. “I’ll make them pay for this, . Lucifer too, for stabbing you. I know we weren’t the best of friends… before, but you went to bat for us when it mattered. I’m sorry… I’ll fix it, I promise.”

For the first time since they brought him home, Sam felt Gabriel relax against him, settling closer to his body.

Then he felt something hit his shirt….tears. Gabriel was crying, and Sam heard three words fall from his cracked lips.

“Thank you, Sam”