Casting Anchors

Read it here on Ao3 | Read the rest of the “Lessons in Healing” series 

Pairing: Sabriel 

Word Count:1229

Warnings/Tags:SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 13, SPOILERS for 13X23, Coda, Coda fic, Coda for 13X23, Fix it Fic, Gabriel is a little shit. 

Summary:  Being dead wasn’t as quiet as Gabriel expected.

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~

“Gabriel.”

Being dead wasn’t as quiet as Gabriel expected.

“Gabriel.”

He struggled to open his heavy eyelids. He was warm and comfortable, and he didn’t want to move from where he was, but something in that voice made it clear that he had to.

Gabriel sat up, opening his eyes and taking in what was around him.

A vast nothingness of space.

‘Ah,” he thought to himself, his own voice sounding like a booming loud speaker in his head. ‘So this is the Empty.’

He’d heard the other angels talk in whispers about it, the place where even their father’s power couldn’t disturb, but he had been sure it was simply a bedtime story, used to scare the younger angels into behaving themselves. His older brothers only rarely mentioned it, and only in hushed tones to each other, never to him. But here he was, awake.

Castiel had told him what had happened after he’d died, that he’d woken up in the Empty, called back from nothingness by the longing of his brother’s nephilim offspring. But Gabriel very much doubted Jack would waste his grace trying to save a fuck-up uncle he barely knew.

Gabriel hung his head, this was truly the end then. He figured that one day he’d go out in a blaze of glory, particularly given the crowd he normally hung out with, but he hadn’t expected to go out putting his bacon on the line for the Winchesters of all people.

The Winchesters had been a thorn in his side since the moment he’d met them. First they didn’t want to play their roles, then they expected him to give up everything, throw caution to the wind and join their team of ragtag misfits with little more than a how-do-you-do. They took and took and took from him, and somewhere along the way, Sam Winchester had taken his heart.  

He hated that he’d allowed one mere human to break through his defenses with relative ease, hated that one smile from Sam was all it took for him to forsake everything he had held dear, everything that had kept him alive all this time, and fling himself directly into harm’s way.

But he couldn’t help it, Sam’s soul was so bright, tempered by what he’d gone through like a sword in a flame. It was burnished in a way he’d never seen before, and he was powerless to resist it.

Now he was dead because of it.

He looked around again, wondering if all of his siblings had ended up here, with darkness and silence and nothing covering them like a blanket.

‘Gabriel,” he heard again, and he turned to look but there was no one there. The voice was different than it had been at first, deeper and more hesitant.

“I don’t… I don’t know if you can hear me,” Sam Winchester’s voice came in loud and clear, surrounding him from all sides. “Jack said he didn’t know if this would work… but… I had to… we had to try,” he paused. “The other Michael is here, he killed Lucifer, he possessed Dean…”

Gabriel could hear the sob in his voice, and felt his own catch in his throat. Lucifer…. Lucifer was dead? It hurt to even entertain the thought. He and his brothers may have had their differences but he still couldn’t wish them dead.

“Lucifer…. He took Jack’s grace,” Sam said. “Please Gabriel, if you can hear this. I know we’ve asked a lot of you, but we need you now. I need you.”

“How touching.”

Gabriel flipped around as quick as a blink only to find himself staring into his own eyes. Castiel may have mentioned that the thing that lived in the Empty had taken his face, but there was something infinitely unsettling about seeing it in person, and this was coming from an angel who had worn the face of someone else for centuries. There was something just… off about it, and it shook him to the core.

“I hate to break up this rom-com moment,” The Empty told him, with a smirk. “But you’re not going anywhere. You’re going to be a good boy and go back to sleep.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrow. “What makes you think I’m going to listen to you?”

“Aren’t you tired?” the thing coaxed. “Just think, no more fighting, no more hunters asking for help, no more running. You can just sleep. It’s not like you have much waiting for you back there. Why not let it be over?”

Gabriel had to admit the thing had a point. Most of his life was spent running away from one thing or another: his family, his brothers, hunters. Something inside him wanted to give in, just wanted it to stop, but he couldn’t.

Not when Sam Winchester believed in him.

Sam was his anchor, the only person who actually believed in Gabriel, who cared about him regardless of how he could benefit from Gabriel, and he wasn’t about to let him down.

“Yeah,” Gabriel quipped at him, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll have to pass.”

The Empty rolled his eyes. “Great. Another annoying angel who doesn’t know how to follow directions.”

“Archangel, thank you very much,” Gabriel sniffed. “And you thought Castiel was annoying? Wait ‘til you get a load of me.”

He did not deign to answer. Instead he gave Gabriel a smirk, one that Gabriel knew so well. Normally it meant trouble for whoever he was aiming it, but Gabriel invented trouble, and this freak didn’t know who he was messing with.

“Say, you ever heard of Sam Winchester?”

The Empty exhaled hard and crossed his arms over his chest. Gabriel mirrored his troublesome grin. “Do I care?”

“Well then, let me introduce you,” Gabriel said, sticking his hand into his pockets. “Sam Winchester is the perfect specimen of a man. Widest shoulders you’ve ever seen, legs for days, abs that would make Michelangelo’s David jealous…And trust me, I’ve met him”. His fingers closed around something hard  and tubular in his pocket…. His horn…. His horn was in his pocket…

“He’s got these eyes… and this hair…. And you should see his c-”

The Empty yawned. “You’re gunna have to do better than that.”  

As much as he hated to admit it, the thing was right. He didn’t have the time to go it alone, not if the other Michael was wearing Dean Winchester like a cheap suit. It was time to resort to something truly desperate, something truly crazy.

Luckily for him, that was kind of his specialty.

It was time to wake the angels.  There was nothing more annoying than his siblings bickering, Hell even Dad had only been able to take it so long before he split.

He doubted the Empty would last much longer.

Gabriel smirked as he pulled the golden kazoo from his pocket. He had never been one to shy away from challenge. He was getting the hell out of here, getting back to Sam. He was taking all his siblings with him. With a glint in his eye, he pressed the kazoo to his lips.  

Loki had once said that Gabriel stood for nothing, and would die for it too, but the demi-god had never been more wrong. Gabriel had fought and died for something alright.  

Now he was going to live for it.

The Brighter the Light

Read in here on AO3Read the rest of “Lessons in Healing” series here

Rating:T

Pairing: Sabriel 

Word Count: 548

Tags: SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 13, SPN SPOILERS, Coda, Coda fic, Coda for 13X22, nightmares, angst, sadness

Summary: “The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.”

― Jay Kristoff, Nevernight

Sam’s dreams were filled with light.

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationspostsmaui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~~

Sam’s dreams were filled with light.

It was bright, brighter than he’d ever seen, blocking out every other sight around him. He squinted, holding his hand up, trying to shield his eye so he could see where it was coming from. The light enveloped him fully, making him feel like he’d sunk into a warm deep bath. It was all around him, seeping into his very skin.

“All I did on earth was run, I’m not running any more.”

The words reverberated around him, and with every syllable, the light dimmed until Sam could finally see where it was coming from.

Gabriel

The light was coming from Gabriel, and the angel blade buried deep in his chest.

Time seemed to reverse as the events of the last day flooded in. Sam was drowning in them, trying to keep afloat in a sea of torment and guilt.

Sam saw the ever-shifting light of the rift they had open, he saw the people from the other world crossover one by one. He saw himself and Dean, Lucifer and finally Gabriel, his mouth set in a straight line, the most solemn Sam had ever seen him.

His heart sank before he even saw Michael land next to them, knowing what was going to happen and not being able to do a single thing to stop it.

“Gabriel, don’t,”

Sam could only watch as Lucifer and Michael fought, as Gabriel stepped forward and uttered those fateful words.

“All I did on Earth was run, I’m not running any more.”

Sam wanted to scream at him to run, that taking on Michael as weak as he was, was suicide, but no words came out. He could feel the  ferocious crackle of power as Michael and Gabriel came together, washing over him like a tidal wave of electricity.

It was over in a matter of minutes.

Sam cried out his name as he saw Michael’s blade hit home, gasping for breath as the smell of scorched feathers engulfed him, and he awoke with a start.

He was trembling, his sheets damp with sour smelling sweat, wound tightly around him like a tourniquet from where he’d tossed in his sleep.

It took Sam a moment to orient himself with where he was. The bunker was full of noise, the low chatter of people talking, snoring, grunting in their sleep, and after the relative silence he was used to, he heard every little sound. What he didn’t hear was what he wanted most.

“Hey, kiddo,”

Sam mopped a hand over his face, trying to drive the memory of Gabriel’s death from his mind. He tried to remind himself that they had thought Gabriel was dead once before, that he’d tricked all of them into believing it and that it was entirely possible he had pulled the same stunt he had last time. It was entirely possible, but Sam knew the truth in his heart.

He took a deep breath and held it, keeping the sob that was tickling the back of his throat trapped within him, until he had no choice but to breathe. Sam grabbed his pillow, holding it to his face as he cried, muffling the anguish that poured out of him like a burst pipe.

Gabriel was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.

In the Dark

Read here on AO3

Rating: M

Pairing: Sabriel

Tags: SPOILERS, Season 13 SPOILERS, SPOILERS for 13X21, Coda, Coda for 13X21, angst, blood, gore

Summary:  It all happened so fast.  

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal@fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~

It all happened so fast.  

One moment it was quiet, the only sound their own breathing in the dark, and the next, the air was filled with screams.  

At first, Gabriel didn’t know what happened. He was moving the rocks that blocked their way as fast as he could, his skin crawling at the thought of the things that lurked in the dark. If he’d been full powered, they would have been no problem, but his grace …dysfunction left him feeling vulnerable.

He didn’t even hear them until they grabbed someone. He turned to see a flurry of activity and to hear Sam and Dean screaming each other’s names.  

He rushed over to help, but it was all over so quickly. What he did see was two vamps holding Sam and then the sickening spurt of blood as they ripped into his throat.  

Gabriel felt as if time around him stop, as if each second was a drip of water slowly rolling down a slick surface and eventually dropping to the ground. He didn’t hear the strangled cry that tore from his throat, or the scream of anguish from Dean that punched the air like a sucker punch.  

He was frozen as the creatures dragged Sam away, Dean and Castiel charging down the dark corridor after him.  

Each moment stretched longer and longer, the beating of his heart echoing in his ears. Finally, Dean and Cas returned, Dean’s face white and drawn.

They were alone.

Sam was gone, and he had done nothing to stop it.  

Dean lead the group out of the cave in tense silence, but Gabriel’s mind would not be quiet.

Coward.

Worthless.

Joke.

Failure.

He was an archangel, one of the most powerful beings that his father had ever created and he couldn’t even muster the grace to protect one lousy human.  

Sam was the only person that had ever believed in Gabriel, the only one who had ever given a damn about what he was feeling after he’d be rescued from Asmodeus. He had put his faith in Gabriel, and he had paid for it with his life.  

Sam was dead because of him.

Tears blurred Gabriel’s vision as they stepped into the light. Everything in him screamed to go back for Sam, but he knew it was hopeless. Sam was dead and there was not a single thing he could do about it.  

Everything from there on out was a blur, as lost as he was in his own head. His ancient brain pulled every memory he had of Sam back from their first meeting at Crawford Hall to the more recent look of horror at his momentary indiscretion with the witch whose name he didn’t even care to remember.  

Nothing registered with him, not Mary or Castiel or Dean, not until he met his nephew, Jack.  

Gabriel saw a flash of Lucifer in him, but that was quickly replaced. Although he may have had Lucifer’s proud bearing, everything about him was Cas and Sam. Gabriel felt another bittersweet rush of affection for Sam. He didn’t owe Jack anything, and yet Gabriel could tell from the way he was speaking that Sam had gone out of his way to make him feel loved and wanted despite who his father was and what he had done.  

Jack was pacing, as if torn between anger and sorrow, and Gabriel couldn’t even look at him.

“Why didn’t you bring him back?” He asked, glaring between Cas and Gabriel.

Gabriel’s voice cracked, and he felt the weight of every word on his tongue like a shot through his heart.

“Not strong enough.”

Its Ok

archangelgabriellives:

13×20 Unfinished Business Coda.

~1100 words

Hey, did anyone order some angst?

~~~~

Gabriel hated this.

Really and truly hated this.

He glanced up to the clock hanging on the wall, its ticking excruciatingly slow and too loud for the room.

He let out a choked sob.

“Ten minutes.”

It had felt like it had been hours since Sam and Dean left him, handcuffed to the grated partition.

Dean tossed the handcuffs to Gabriel, who caught them on reflex. They were cold in his hands, the metal chain softly clinking together. He stared down at them, barely hidden fear in his eyes.

“Put ‘em on,” the hunter commanded, his voice deep and terrible.

Gabriels head whipped up, and he glared hard at Dean.

“Excuse me?” he growled, not noticing the look of surprise on Sam’s face where he stood next to him.

“We need to go clean up your mess. Can’t have anyone finding the rotting corpse of a Norse Demigod in a shitty hotel room. And I don’t trust you not to run off again. Now,” Dean advanced on Gabriel, his footsteps heavy and slow. He towered over Gabriel, brows pinched in anger. “Put. Them. On.” Dean leaned down a little closer, almost close enough for his nose to touch. Through his pounding heartbeat and the clenching dread in his chest, Gabriel kept his chin high, not backing down as the human advanced. “Boy.”

A flash of Asmodeus flickered over Dean, like a phantom, and Gabriel reeled back a few steps. He didn’t, wouldn’t, drop his mask. Not in front of them. Never show weakness, not anymore, he thought.

He looked to Sam, there was sympathy there, but still…

“Alright, Dean. Geez, don’t get your pink panties in a twist.”

Gabriel focused on his breathing. In and out, in and out. The cold metal cuff was on his wrist, pushed down and clicked in place, and Gabriel couldn’t stop a small whimper from escaping when he realized that it was his own hand that put it there.

Sam flinched, Gabriel saw it, but he didn’t protest.

Dean smirked, a wicked looking thing, when he was sure Sam couldn’t see it. “There, see,” Dean’s voice calm and light despite the frightful sneer, “not so bad, right?” He snatched the other cuff roughly, tugged a little too quick on it to pull Gabriel over to the iron bars and slam it in place with practiced ease. “Now, I need you to snap big and ugly there” he pointed to Narfi, dead on the floor, “into the trunk of my car.”

“Dean…” Sam muttered.

“It’s fine, Sam.” Gabriel was surprised he was able to talk at all. “It’s fine.” He raised a hand, snapped his trembling fingers, and the Demigod vanished, wrapped in blankets in Baby’s trunk.

Dean sauntered away to pick up his coat and tossed Sams to his brother. “Yeah, he’s fine. Let’s go, Sam.” The already broken door swung open, banging the handle against the cracked drywall. The sound echoed in Gabriels mind, the slam of a cage door slamming shut. “We’ll be back in an hour.”

Sam was frozen in place, torn between leaving and staying. He opened his mouth to say something.

“Sam!” Deans voice called from the hall.

Sam waffled, looking back and forth from the door to Gabriel.

“Well, go,” Gabriel gestured to the door, “the princess can’t do anything without you.” He thinks he smiled, tried to convey a calm exterior.

With an uncomfortable shift of his feet and a tight frown, Sam turns for the hall. “Sorry,” he whispered, and pulled the door closed behind him.

And now Gabriel sat here, his body curled up in itself, as he counted the ticking seconds of the clock. He rocked slightly, his free hand fisted in his hair.

“It’s ok, you’re ok. It’s ok, you’re ok.”

He repeated it, his mantra, over and over.

Every sound that he heard caused him to flinch. Other guests at the motel, who did nothing about the loud fight that took place minutes ago, returned to their menial days. The murmurs of the reminded him of the fickle and incompetent demons that used to guard him. And being so low on Grace, Gabriel couldn’t reach out and check if they were demons in hiding, following him and waiting for a chance to take him back to his cramped cage. A chance like this.

Gabriel grunted in fear, clenched his teeth and seethed.

“It’s ok, you’re ok. It’s ok, you’re ok.”

A child laughed as they skipped past his door. To Gabriel, the sound was sinister and diabolical. The melody of something that should have been so pure to him was now so tainted. He tried to rouse a memory of Heaven, the fledgling angels laughing as Gabriel tossed them in the air when they were ready to learn how to fly.

But the faces were all wrong, distorted. What should be soft white feathers were bare and leathery, delicate eyes that should sparkle with Grace turned black and red.

“It’s ok, you’re ok. It’s ok, you’re ok.”

His voice was cracking, and tears were trailing down his cheeks. The hand in his hair tightened. His legs bounced and trembled with nervous energy.

Heavy footsteps fell in the hall, loud and purposeful.

Gabriel froze.

He sat up straight, listening. A flash of that ugly white suit strutting down the corridor caused his breath to quicken. Was he even free? Was this all a trick?

Never show weakness

He wiped the wetness from his face, gasping at the familiar white fabric. When did they replace the dirty oversized shirt he had to wear in hell?

The steps got closer. He could practically hear that smug assholes vile laughter. Gabriel stood, pulled on the cuffs to make his escape, but he was still there. He grabbed the grate, tried to pull it out of the wall, but was only reminded of the feel of cold steel under his dirty and broken fingers.

“No!”

It was a ragged whisper, but it was enough.

He remembered that his lips were no longer stitched tightly together, that he was pulled out of hell. He tried to breathe again.

“It’s ok, you’re ok. It’s ok, you’re ok.”

He checked the clock again.

“Fifty minutes.”

He reached for the chair that had toppled over in his haste, righted it, and tried to get comfortable. Sam and Dean would be back any minute, and Gabriel could not let them see him like this.

He closed his eyes, and took some calming breaths.

In and out. In and out.

Never show weakness.

“It’s ok, you’re ok,” he said as the mask slipped back into place. “It’s ok, you’re ok.”

~~

Everything tags

@doctor-zyre @ourloveisforthelovely @authoressskr @superwhoavengelocketc-blog @sumara62 @mscrazycatbitch @emmii4 @redberrysweets @space-time-paradox @tgpanther @anxietywontmakethewordsgo @l4life

Oh my heart!

The Nature of Nightmares

Read it here on Ao3 

Pairing: Sabriel

Rating: T

Word Count: 

1,014

Tags: SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 13, Coda fic, Coda for 13X20. Nightmares, Trauma 

~~~~~~

“So,” Gabriel clapped his hands together.  “This other world Michael, how we doing this?”

“Wait, you’re actually gonna help us?” Sam and Dean looked at each other.

“Yeah, no tricks?”

They didn’t actually believe that Gabriel was going to help him, and Gabriel didn’t blame them. He hadn’t been the most forthcoming in that regard, or in any regard really when it came to them.

“A deal is a deal,” he replied. “And if I’m being perfectly honest, tricks are for kids.”

Dean rolled his eyes, and walked back towards the impala, but Sam stayed behind, looking at him with those big worried eyes.

“Hey, how you feeling now that you -”

Gabriel responded with a signature smirk.  “Got my sweet sweet vengeance on? ”

“Yeah sure I guess,’ Gabriel could tell Sam was skeptical of his tone.

“Swell Sam, I’m a whole new guy.”

Gabriel was lying through his teeth. He was not okay, and killing Loki and his sons didn’t change that. Even though it felt good to put an end to the creatures that had sold him into certain death and torture, it hadn’t changed the fact that it had happened. He had trusted them to help him, he had thought of them as a his family once, and just like his real family, they had betrayed him too. He wasn’t sure which hurt more.

Yes, he was lying and what was worse, Sam knew he was lying. Gabriel half-expected Sam to call him out on his bullshit, but Sam just offered him a sad smile, and for that, Gabriel was grateful.

“That’s what I thought.”

They rode back to the bunker in silence, Gabriel pretending to be asleep in the back seat to avoid talking about what happened. Cas was waiting for them when they got back, and he helped Gabriel get settled in one of the extra rooms, changing the sheets, and stealing pillows from the other rooms. It was nothing like Gabriel was used to, but it would do until he was back at full power.

He was asleep as soon as he laid down.

He was burning.

Pain lanced through his body over and over as he cut Gabriel.

“I broke you, boy” Asmodeus said, pulling the silver needle from his coat pocket and slipping into Gabriel’s flesh.

Gabriel woke screaming, curling in to try and protect himself from the pain. It took him a couple moments to realize where he was, and that he was safe. It was only a couple moments longer before Sam burst through his door.

“Gabe? You’re okay, it’s alright, you’re safe.”

Gabriel took a ragged breathe, trying to calm himself. His heart was pounding as if he’d been running, and he was trembling all over. Nightmares had plagued him since he’d gotten free. He thought that after he’d killed Asmodeus, after he’d killed Loki, that he would rest easy, but apparently that wasn’t the case.

Sam sat down on the end of Gabriel’s bed.

“I…I have them too sometimes, nightmares,” Sam said, not looking at him. “From the cage.”

Gabriel had heard whispers while he was imprisoned, rumors of Lucifer wearing Sam into the cage, and what had happened after. Gabriel knew the horrors his older brother was capable of, and it didn’t surprise him at all that Sam still had nightmares from what he had suffered.

“I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered. “I didn’t know you were going to- You weren’t supposed to -”

“It’s not your fault,” Sam told him. “It was my choice to say yes to him.”

Gabriel knew that was a lie. He knew Lucifer too well for that. The only way Sam would have said yes to Lucifer was if he felt like he’d had no other choice, and that was no choice at all. It made Gabriel want to apologize again. If he had just…no, he wasn’t going to allow himself to fall into that particular well of self-loathing again. He had quite enough self-loathing where he currently was.

“How do you deal with it?” Gabriel asked, moving slightly closer to Sam.

“I-” Sam faltered for a second, as if he was considering his words.  “I don’t for the most part. I just pushed it down and ignored it.”

Gabriel sighed. If Sam couldn’t do it, how could he? Sam was strong, he was optimistic, he was everything that Gabriel was not, and if he couldn’t do anything about it, how could Gabriel?

“Recently though….” Sam kept going. “I talked to someone about it, and I felt better, at least for a little while. You can always talk to me, Gabriel. I know in the past, we weren’t really all that nice to you.”

“I deserved it.” Gabriel butted in. “I wasn’t that nice to you either.”

“Fair enough,” Sam smiled. “You can always talk to me. I know it can be hard to talk about but, when you’re ready, I’ll listen.”

“On one condition.”

Sam eyed him warily. “Name it.”

“That you’ll talk to me too, Sam,” Gabriel grinned back at him. “Maybe we can help each other.”

Sam laid a comforting hand on Gabriel’s shoulder and got up. “I’d like that,” he said. “I was going to make coffee. Do you want some?”

Gabriel nodded. “Milk, one sugar.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Only one?” he teased gently.

“Not the Trickster anymore,” Gabriel told him. “Only Gabriel now. No need for it.”

Sam broke into a smile, and walked out, leaving Gabriel alone with his thoughts.

Loki’s words were ringing in his head.

“ Face it old friend. You’re a joke, you’re a failure. You live for pleasure. You stand for nothing,  and in the end that’s exactly what you’ll die for.”

Loki had been right about a lot of things. He was a failure as an angel, he’d run from his family, shirked his responsibilities. He’d indulged in every pleasure a person could indulge in and then some, and he’d made himself into a living parody of what he once was.

But Loki was wrong about one thing.

He could stand for something.

Or rather, someone.

Listen

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Read Part One of the this series on Ao3

The Entire Series Here

Pairing: Sabriel (If you Squint)

Word Count: 1373

Warnings: SPOILERS, Spoilers for 13X17 “The Thing”, Coda, Coda for 13X17, Canon Verse

Summary: “Gabriel, man… What did they do to you?” 

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67@belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13@littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts@maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sam could not stop staring.

Gabriel, Gabriel the archangel whom they’d seen dead, whose wings had gone up in smoke, was sitting bloody and beaten at their table.  He was wild-eyed and jumpy, starting at every sound, his hands pressing white-knuckled against each other in his terror.

Sam searched his face, looking for any sign of the feisty, sassy archangel that they’d known, but he could find nothing. It was like a stranger was staring back at him, like he was wearing a mask.

His hands lingered on Gabriel’s cheeks as he assessed his injuries, and Sam could feel him flinching under the contact.

What had they done to him?

Cutting around his lips were the worst, most of the damage Gabriel had sustained would be easily healable once Cas got back, but Sam was worried about those. So much of what Sam remembered of Gabriel was his voice, the way he spoke, the curl or sneer of his lips as he talked, his wit. They’d robbed him of his voice, shutting him up in one of the most ruthless ways Sam could think of. Gabriel hadn’t shown any indication he could or would speak again, all the noises he made were pained groans and grunts, and Sam found those even more unsettling than words.

The first thing Sam did after he’d looked at worst of Gabriel’s wounds was try and get him to eat. He knew the angels didn’t need sustenance like humans did, but in the state Gabriel was in, he didn’t see how it could hurt. He had always associated candy and sweets with Gabriel, but the more he thought about it, the more unsure he became about it. Candy was part of his Trickster persona, and Sam knew from talks with Cas, that an angel’s sense of taste was more developed than a human’s. Would he even want to eat?

He ended up with a platter with a selection of all the food in the bunker: Dean’s stash of snack cakes, apples and bananas, the half of the huge steak that Dean had taken home the other night. He didn’t know what Gabriel might need, or prefer, so he brought it all.

Sam put it down in front of Gabriel, looking like a lost child wearing Sam’s oversized flannel shirt over his rags, and sat down next to him. Gabriel watched him with fear, his eyes flicking back and forth from Sam to the door, as if he was trying to access the best place to hide if Sam decided to hurt him.

“Gabriel,” Sam said softly. “Do… do you remember me?”

Gabriel didn’t move, acted like he hadn’t even heard Sam speak.

“What’s my name?” Sam tried a different way. Maybe his name would jog his memory. “Can you say my name?”

Gabriel’s mouth didn’t move, he just stared at Sam carefully, and Sam sighed.

“It’s okay. That’s okay,” Sam told him. “I’m going to take care of you, you need to eat and rest, and then we can talk.”

But Gabriel didn’t even try to eat, just sat there staring at him.

Finally Sam gave up. He couldn’t force Gabriel to eat if he didn’t want to. He put the food back in the fridge, and took Gabriel back to his room. He had debated putting him in one of the extra rooms, the bunker had dozens, but he thought Gabriel might do better someplace semi-familiar and his own bedroom, with his things was the best he had.

After tucking Gabriel into bed, Sam retreated to the library, hoping to find something that would help him help Gabriel begin to heal. The Men of Letters had a lot of lore and spells concerning archangels, but not a lot on healing trauma. Sam couldn’t say he was surprised.

Sam put his head in his hands, trying to wrap his head around what had happened in the past couple days. Tentacle Gods from another dimension, Gabriel, Dean leaving him and taking Ketch of all people to rescue Mom and Jack. It all made him feel sick. He was angry, and tired, and trying to keep busy to avoid thinking about any of it. What was worse was how guilty he felt over the fact that  even though he was concerned about Gabriel, he would have left him here without a second thought.

Gabriel was like he was, had gone through what he had gone through because of them. They had pushed him into this, forced him to stand up to his brother and he had gotten killed for it. Now he was back, beaten half to death and mentally scarred, and Sam felt responsible for all of it. He needed help but all Sam could think about was his anger at Dean. All this research, the food, everything he had done since Dean left, it was all to keep himself from thinking about how angry and betrayed he felt.

Sam put his head down on the table with a sigh. As much as he wanted to, there was nothing he could do right now but wait. Dean didn’t need his help, and there was a broken archangel sleeping in his bed that did.

Sam was admittedly no expert in handling trauma. He’d only recently come to terms with his own, and he hadn’t even begun to try and actually deal with what Lucifer had done to him. All he’d done was push it so deep that it had begun to fester, and the only way he was going to fix it was to reopen the wound and drain the infection. He hadn’t poked the wound for fear it would rupture. He had told Dean and anyone else who asked that he was fine, but it had been layers upon layers of lies. He was not fine, and only recently, when he had talked to Rowena about it, had be begun to heal.

He hadn’t felt like he could talk to anyone, because no one else understood what he had been through. No one wanted to listen, and as a result, Sam had shut it all away.

But Sam could understand what Gabriel had been through. Even if their situations weren’t the same, he knew what being trapped down there did to someone, what pain did to their mind. He could imagine Gabriel feeling betrayed by his brothers, confused to why he was back, hopelessness. He remembered those exact feelings, after he’d gotten his soul back, more vividly than he cared to admit.

When Sam thought about it, and he had, he and Gabriel were more alike than he’d originally realized. If having someone listen to him had helped him, even in the smallest part, perhaps that could be key.  He could listen to Gabriel, when he was ready to talk about it, and maybe, just maybe, they could begin to heal together.

Gabriel had been a conundrum to him even under the best of circumstances, and it wasn’t until he was dead that Sam began to take him apart bit and bit, and understand him. Despite all his hemming and hawing, Gabriel had helped them, and once Cas had healed whatever physical damage Asmodeus had done to him, Sam would step in. He didn’t know if this would work, if Gabriel would talk to him, or talk at all, but he was going to try his hardest to let him know that he didn’t have to do it alone.

He hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep again at the library table, until he heard the crash from the kitchen. Sam’s first waking thought was that someone had broken it, that they’d come after Gabriel, Ketch or both, and he groped in the dark for the closest thing with which to defend himself. He dashed in the direction from which the noise had come and into the kitchen.

The fridge was open, and Gabriel was standing in front of it.

He started when he saw Sam, but Sam held up his hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just me.”

Gabriel was holding a bowl of chocolate mousse, and he looked at Sam with recognition in his eyes.

“Hi,” Gabriel said, his voice raspy from misuse. “Sammy.”