In Sickness and In Health

Fandom: Supernatural

Relationship: Crowley/Gabriel/Sam Winchester

Tags: Sick! Sam, Sick! Fic, Polyamory, Slice of Life AU, Human AU

Summary:

Sam is sick, and what are his boyfriends to do but take care of him?

~~~~

“Achoo!”

Gabriel’s boyfriend was sick. It had started a couple days ago when Sam started sneezing. He’d insisted it was just allergies, but Gabriel hadn’t been so sure.

It has escalated from there.

Next came the runny nose and incessant coughing, then the aches and headaches. Finally, the bone deep weariness and then Sam was forced to admit that maybe, just maybe he was sick.

Gabriel stirred a healing spoonful of honey into the cup of green tea he was making for Sam. There was something about Sam when he was sick that just made Gabriel want to coddle and baby him.

He shuffled across the floor, the soles of his slippers hitting against the wood with a loud slap. Gabriel gently pushed open the door of their bedroom and put the steaming cup down on the bedside table.

“No more tea, Gabe,” Sam sniffled, wiping his nose with a tissue. The garbage can was almost overflowing with them.

“C’mon Sammich,” Gabriel coaxed, sitting down on the edge of their bed. “It’ll make you feel better.”

“Not if I throw up first,” Sam retorted, snuggling down further under the worn comforter that had belong to Gabriel’s mother. “I hate green tea.”

Gabriel chuckled at him. “It’ll soothe your throat and the honey will stop you from cough,”

“You keep saying that,” Sam grumped, glaring at his boyfriend, but with how sick he was, he only looked like a pouty child which Gabriel found adorable.

“Because it’s true,” Gabriel pointed out. “Now drink up”

Sam grumbled at him again, but picked up the cup anyway and took a sip. He replaced it on the table and let Gabriel cuddle and fuss over him.

“You’re going to catch my cold,” Sam warned him, as Gabriel kissed his forehead.

“No, I’m not, I have the immunes system of an elephant,” Gabriel teased, tucking Sam in tighter as he heard the front door open and close. A moment later, Crowley came through their bedroom door, bearing a brown paper back and taking off his black and red plaid scarf.

“How are you feeling, love?” he asked Sam, hanging his coat in the closet and handing Gabriel the bag.

“Like crap,” Sam replied. “And Gabriel is making me drink tea.”

“It’s good for you,” Crowley replied, sitting down on the other side of the bed. “I brought you some soup.”

Gabriel unwrapped the bag, taking out a hot cup of the Matzo ball soup he’d asked Crowley to pick up on his way home from work. Gabriel had sick time to spare, but Crowley didn’t, so it was decided that Gabriel would stay home to take care of Sam.

He pulled a plastic spoon out of the bag and handed both the cup and spoon to Sam. “Eat,”he commanded. “It’ll make you feel better.”

Sam stuck his tongue out at him, but he took the soup without another word. He began to eat it, and Gabriel turned to his other boyfried.

“How was work?”

Crowley shrugged as he got up and began to change out of his suit, and into something a little more comfortable, the very comfortable, very expensive red and black silk pajamas that Gabriel and Sam had gotten him for Christmas. “It was work,” he replied. “I would have much rather been home with you two.”

Gabriel got up and walked across the room to give Crowley a kiss. Sam made a disgruntled noise on the bed.

“That’s not fair,” he pouted. “I can’t kiss anyone.”

“You’re sick,” Gabriel pointed out. “When you’re better, we’ll make up for it, won’t we babe?”

Not many people understood the kind of relationship the three of them had, but Gabriel didn’t care. He loved both Sam and Crowley and they loved him in returned. That was all that mattered.

Crowley nodded and got into bed besides Sam. “We’ll keep you company,” he said, grabbing the remote.

Gabriel slid in on the other side of Sam. “Finish your soup and we’ll even let you pick the movie.”

Sam paused to kiss each of them chastely on the cheek. “Deal,”

Gabriel should have known better.

It took a week for both Crowley and Gabriel to come down with Sam’s cold. Gabriel woke up feeling like a truck hit him, and if Crowley’s cough was anything to go by, he wasn’t feeling much better than Gabriel was.

Both of them were terrible patients. Crowley was insistent on going to work, until Sam ordered him to bed and hid his iPad so he could rest. Gabriel gor halfway down the stairs before he’d realized Sam had also hidden his car keys. He called Garth to let him know he’d be late to the studio.

“Sam already called,” Garth explained with a chuckle. “Feel better.”

Grumbling, and cursing under his breath, Gabriel stomped back upstairs to give Sam a piece of his mind, to find his boyfriend in the kitchen making cinnamon pancakes with whipped cream and lots of sprinkles, his favorite. He couldn’t be mad at Sam after that.

He quietly slipped back into their bedroom, changed into his pajamas and cuddled up next to the dozing Crowley.

Maybe being sick wouldn’t be so bad afterall.

Sweet Blindness

Read in here on AO3 | Read the rest of the series

Note: This is Part 7 of an ongoing series. It is set during the end of “Sweets for My Sweet” (Part 5). It’ll make more sense if you read at least that one first 🙂

Rating: T

Word Count: 1049

Pairings: Destiel

Tags: Sweet Sabriel Serial Killer Verse, Serial Killer AU, Hospitals, Blood, Almost Dying, Confessions of love, FBI Agent! Dean, FBI Agent! Cas

Summary:

Dean stared down at his hands. The hospital was buzzing around him, and all he could think about was Cas.

~~~~~~~

“Please. Please hurry.”

“Please.”

Dean stared down at his hands. The hospital was buzzing around him, and all he could think about was Cas.

Cas had been unconscious by the time the paramedics arrived at the warehouse. Sam had cut him deep, and Dean had been afraid that he’d bleed out before the ambulance got there.

There wasn’t room for Dean to go with him, so he followed along in the car in which he’d transported Gabriel. Cas was already in surgery when he pulled up at the ER, and Dean was herded into the surgical waiting room to wait it out. It was hours later before the doctors let him see Cas.

The room was dark when he entered, a slow beeping coming from the side of the bed where Cas was lying, too still for Dean’s liking. He was hooked up to all kinds of tubes and wires, his face almost as pale as the sheets that lay twisted around him.

The doctors wouldn’t tell him anything, him not being family, but Dean would have been stupid not to be able to read their grim expressions. Cas was in a bad way, and it was all his fault. He’d been so blinded that he hadn’t seen the answer right in front of his face; that his own brother was a monster.

He should have known that Gabriel’s plan wasn’t as cut and dry as it seemed, that there was something else there, but he wanted to get Sam back, and he was willing to walk through hell to do it. He should have realized what was going on, and now Cas was paying the price for his mistakes.

Dean looked down at his hands again, trembling and sticky with Cas’ blood. He couldn’t stop looking at them, picturing Cas’ body under his hands, the warmth leaving him as each drop spilled to the floor. He didn’t think he would ever forget the feeling in his chest was Cas breathing grew shallower and shallower. All he could think about was how Cas was going to die and Dean was never going to be able to tell him how he felt.

His gaze shifted to the body on the bed, Cas’ stupid long eyelashes fanned out over his too-pale cheeks. If he died, Dean would never get to tell him he loved him.

He hadn’t meant for that to happen, sure he’d fooled around with a couple guys in college, and a dozen or so in the academy, but when Dean pictured himself falling in love and settling down, it was always with a woman. Until he met Castiel Collins.

Dean and Cas were at the Academy at the same time, but hadn’t spent much time together until they were partnered under the direction of Bobby Singer, the head of the Behavioral Analysis Unit. To tell the truth, Dean had been a little creeped out by Cas at first, he had a bad habit of standing too close, staring too long and all other manner of of putting behaviors, but Dean came to respect his work ethic, and his keen sense of investigation among other things.

Dense as he was sometimes, it took Dean a little longer to notice Castiel’s physical charms, and his humor. It clearly hadn’t taken everyone else that long to notice, not if the scores of men and women practically throwing themselves at Cas every time they went out was something to go by. Dean had tried to ignore it at first, tried to get over him by dating other people, but it was hard to ignore Cas when they worked together every day. So Dean tried to sack up and shove his feelings down farther in, where he’d never have to acknowledge them again.

He hadn’t been as circumspect as he thought he was.

“So Cas huh?” Sam had asked one afternoon after they’d all eaten lunch together in the cafe downstairs.

“What? No!” Dean had sputtered, his ears going red as he looked down at his tray.

Sam rolled his eyes. “C’mon Dean,” he teased with a smirk. “The eye sex you two have? You aren’t fooling anyone.”

Dean scoffed, his face reddening to match his ears. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Sam chuckled as he picked up his tray and walked away from him, leaving Dean staring at his back in disbelief.

What he wouldn’t give to see Cas’ eyes right now.

He looked back up at Cas’ face, his features distorted by the tap used to keep his oxygen in place. If he was never going to get another chance to tell Cas how he felt, he may as well take it.

“Cas,” he started, leaning over and putting his hand on the bed. “I’m…. you know I’m not good with words. I don’t know how to say this,” he swallowed hard. “But ….I… ummmm,” he stammered. The guy wasn’t even awake and he had Dean nervous and jumpy, like a teenager on his first date with the Cheer captain.

He took a deep breath, picturing Cas’ face in his head, his messy black hair, sharp blue eyes, the perfect pout of his lips. He’d said this all so many times in his mind, and he pretended it was just one of those times, one among many but never the last.

“Cas, I love you,” he said, not looking up. “I think I have for a long time and didn’t want to admit it. I hate that I waited this long to tell you. I was scared you would reject me, I was scared of what people would think, but not as scared as I am right now, of losing you.”

Tears stuck to Dean’s lashes, and one fell before he could stop it, rolling down his cheek and onto the bed. He rubbed it away hurriedly, sniffling as he wiped his nose on his coat Cas needed him to be strong for him, not fall to pieces the moment that Cas really needed him. He had already let him down once, by letting his feelings for his brother cloud his better judgement. He was not going to do it again.

Suddenly, Dean felt something miraculous, a cold hand squeezing his own.

“Hey Winchester,” Cas smiled at him. “No chick flick moments, remember?”

My Sweet Lord- Part 1

Read it here on AO3

Read the rest of there series HERE

Rating: M

Pairing: LUCAIN

Warnings: Violence, Killer! Lucifer, Killer! Cain, Killer! Gabriel, Sweet Sabriel serial killer verse

Summary:

Lucifer always thought he was going to be alone.

~~~~~

Lucifer always thought he was going to be alone.

After Gabriel, who was a budding monster just like him, rejected him in a misguided fit of self-righteousness, Lucifer swore he would never let anyone else in. It was very clear from that point on he was meant to be a lone wolf.

After the co-ed he had slaughtered when visiting his brother, Lucifer took a kind of sabbatical. He needed to get back to his roots, as it were, get back to what made killing so much fun for him. He had been so focused on molding Gabriel into his partner, he had lost what made him the monster that he was, and more importantly, the monster he wanted to be.

He wanted no part of Gabriel’s do-gooder bullshit. Unlike him, Lucifer had fully embraced the shadow inside him when it had first kindled to life in him as a child the first time he caught a chipmunk and choked the life out of it with his bare hands. He had come inside covered in blood, after cutting the creature open with his pocket knife and playing with its innards, and his father hadn’t even noticed.

Chuck was his biological father, but he’d never been anything more than a sperm donor as far as Lucifer could remember. He’d never known his mother. There was food in the house, and a roof, albeit a leaky one, over his head, but Chuck had never shown much interest in him on a deeper level. He was five, when Chuck had dropped him off at his grandparents farm in South Dakota.

At first, his grandparents had been alright. His Grammy Miriam made him pancakes before school in the morning, and his Grampy Alan taught him how to fish, hunt and clean a gun. But slowly their presence become stifling, like a weighted blanket over his face, blocking him from the cool sweet air beyond, and hunting only stopped the bloodlust inside of him for so long. He was twelve when he killed them both.

He was twenty one when he first saw the sun outside prison bars, and his father was waiting to pick him up. Somewhere between dropping him off and now, Chuck had gotten clean, and decided to take an interest in his son again. He helped Lucifer get his things into the car, blathering on and on about how they were going to live with his stepmother Becky, and his half brother, Gabriel.

Lucifer hadn’t expected to take such an interest in his brother. His new stepmother he could give or take, she was too much of a simpering bimbo for his taste, but from the moment he saw Gabriel, he felt an instant connection to him, something he’d never felt before with anyone.

Not until he met Cain.

He was people watching on a beach in San Diego, when he first spotted him, looking like a rumpled college professor with his long greying hair, and mexican blanket reading a book in the sand. He wasn’t the kind of person that normally drew Lucifer’s fancy, but there was something about him, the way he held himself, that made Lucifer stop and take notice.

The man stopped his reading, and glanced up at Lucifer. It caught him off-guard, he’d been stalking and preying on people for a very long time, and not once had anyone noticed him before. They made eye contact briefly, and Lucifer could feel the shudder of the monster inside him all the way down to his toes. He’d only felt that tremor once before, and that was the first time he’d stared into Gabriel’s eyes, an unseen recognition of the dark shadow that laid behind the blue of his eyes. This man was a predator just like him, and Lucifer needed to have him.

He’d never been driven by such a compulsion before. Romantic idiots called it love at first sight, but Lucifer didn’t believe in that, or love in any capacity really. The only feelings he knew were lust, power, want, and right now, he felt the need to possess this man truly and fully.

“Are you just gunna keep staring into space, or are you going to say something to me?” A voice asked in his ear.

Lucifer had been so distracted, so off-kilter that the man had snuck up on him. “A- buh- what?”

“Are you always this eloquent?” the man asked, his lips quirking at the ends under his moustache.

Normally Lucifer took pride in his silver tongue, but it was tied in knots as he tried to speak. Finally, the words came. “Do you want to get a drink?”

The man considered him for a moment. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Somewhere between the beach, bar, and mind blowing sex in the men’s bathroom, Lucifer discovered the man’s name was Cain, and that he, like Lucifer, was just blowing through town looking for prey.

Lucifer had never loved anyone in his life, even Gabriel whom he had been sure was his soulmate of sorts, and he fell hard and deep for Cain. It was hard not to, when he’d found someone who was so alike and yet so different from himself all in one person.

He told Cain things he’d never told anyone before, about his father, his grandparents, about Gabriel, and Cain told him much the same, about his brother Abel, about losing his love, Colette. Finally Lucifer had hope, that he’d found someone who would stay with him forever.

They lived happily for a couple years, Lucifer keeping to the shadows more than he would normally. He was confident that he could get away with it, but Cain was more cautious, preferring only to kill when the urge became too much. It wasn’t much fun that way but he was happy, happier than he’d been in his entire life.

Until the Candy Man and Sam Winchester destroyed his life.

He’d heard whispers of a killer hunting other killers, a monster hunting down his own kind, but he saw no reason to be frightened No one had been able to get the jump on him yet, and he doubted they ever would, but it had Cain on edge, and that alone put Lucifer on edge too.

Cain didn’t enjoy killing like Lucifer did. He did what he did in the darkness, quick and bloody and got on with his life. He didn’t live for the kill, he killed to live, because he had to. That was the big difference between them, that and their fears of getting caught. Cain had been to prison once, he wasn’t going back, but Lucifer, Lucifer had no fear at all. He’d been to juvi because he’d been young, and careless. He wasn’t either now. He was good at what he did, but he kept an ear to the ground anyway, just so Cain would feel safe.

That was how he discovered Sam Winchester.

Lucifer was vaguely familiar with Bobby Singer and the BSU. Most people who did what he did were, his freedom depended on being cognizant of what enemies lay in wait for him. He couldn’t help but be smug when the headlines proclaimed that one of Bobby’s best students had lost his fiance to a killer he had been hunting. Served him right, Lucifer had thought to himself at the time. He should have known it wouldn’t last. The Candy Man made everyone crazy, the FBI included, and Bobby pulled Sam Winchester out of his cushy teaching job at the Academy and put him back in the trenches.

Lucifer prided himself on knowing monsters, and he knew that the CandyMan wouldn’t be able to resist tweaking the tiger by the tail. He should have been prepared for the fallout.

He was napping on the couch in their apartment, when a loud slam of the door woke him. He opened his eyes to Cain frantically milling about, stuffing random things into his backpack.

“Cain,” Lucifer called, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Love, where is the fire?”

“Need to go…” Cain mumbled, grabbing a sweatshirt off the back of the armchair where Lucifer’ had left it. “He’s gunna find us.”

Lucifer rose from the couch and put his hands on Cain’s shoulders. “What happened? Who is going to find us?”

“Him,” Cain grabbed the newspaper off of the table, showing into Lucifer’s face. “The Candy Man. He saw me, we need to leave.”

“Woah woah woah, slow down,” Lucifer said, taking the paper from him. “No one knows what that Candy Man looks like, it wasn’t him.”

“It was him!” Cain insisted. He had a wild look in his eyes, like a caged animal. “I had just finished, and I was cleaning my knife, and I heard someone walking behind me” he explained. “When I turned around he was there, standing at the bus stop, and he had a lollipop in his mouth and…”

“Just some guy waiting for the bus, Candy Cain,” Lucifer tried to soothe him, but Cain bristled and slipped out of his grasp. “It’s gunna be okay.”

“It wasn’t,” he shot back, heading into the bedroom. He came out a couple moments later with a jacket and two pairs of pants. “It was him. I just know it,”

Lucifer knew better than to doubt Cain’s intuition. “If it is him, we can handle him,” he said. “You and I… together. We can take out anyone who gets in our way…”

He stepped forward, and pulled Cain closer, effectively cutting him off from moving anymore. Cain wouldn’t look at him, so Lucifer buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck. “We got this,” he cooed. “We’re the boogeymen remember? It’ll take a more than some asshole with a lollipop to have us running for the hills.”

Cain held himself ridged for a moment, not willing to give in, but Lucifer didn’t let go. He held him until the man softened, melting against the softness of Lucifer’s body.

“You’re right,” he mumbled, pressing his lips to Lucifer’s head. “I’m not going back to prison.”

Lucifer kissed him hard on the mouth. “I wouldn’t let that happen.”

It was still a couple hours before Cain calmed down enough to sleep, and by the time they climbed into bed, Lucifer was exhausted. He pulled Cain close to him as he fell asleep, listening to the quiet, steady beat of his heart.

He didn’t expect to wake up to an empty bed.

READ PART2 HERE

Night Terrors

Read it here on AO3

Rating: E (Canon typical violence)

Word Count: 655

Summary: Sam was no stranger to nightmares.

~~~~~~

…Rip…

…Cut…

…Tear…

…blood dripping down his chest…. Pooling in his naval…. drying, hot and sticky on his heated skin…

Lucifer was standing in front of him, his hands and forearms coated in Sam’s blood. The face he wore was not the face of his vessel, but his true face, the one that had haunted Sam ever since Castiel brought him out of the cage. He growled and snapped at Sam now, his sulphurous breath humid on Sam’s cheek. His claws dug into Sam’s shoulder, tearing through muscle and bone and sinew like hot knives through butter.

The fallen archangel laughed as he withdrew his claws from Sam’s flesh, reaching up to caress his cheek.

“I’m just getting started, Sammy,” he growled, his hand dropping lower and lower….

Sam pulled at the chains that bound him in place, biting his lip to stifled the pain as the rusty metal cut into his already raw bleeding wrists. How did he get back here? Where was….

“Dean!?”

“Dean, please” he cried out painfully, his throat raw from screaming.

“De, help me……”

Sam awoke with a start, his heart pounding rapidly, feeling as if it would pop out of his chest at any moment. It took him a second to realize where he was, in his bed in the bunker, safe and whole. He ran his hands through his hair, pushing back the wet strands from his clammy face. He had to remind himself over and over that the sticky substance on his skin wasn’t his own blood.

Sam wanted to scream. Every single time he thought he’d gotten over what Lucifer had done to him, every time he thought he’d moved past it, it came back to remind him that it really never left.

Lucifer was back in the cage, where he belonged and he wasn’t getting out. He could never hurt Sam again, but still Sam couldn’t shake the sick feeling that came over whenever he was reminded of him. He avoided food that tasted like smoke because it brought back memories of the Cage. He didn’t like when anyone touched his face, or ran their hands through his hair, or bit his lips…

Sam shuddered, pushing those memories away. There was no one he could share them with. Dean had been to hell, but it was different for him. Sam had been Lucifer’s personal punching bag, trapped in the Cage itself, caught between two vengeful archangels with a millenia long grudge.

He couldn’t tell Cas either. Cas still felt guilty for leaving his soul behind in hell, for the apocalypse, for everything he’d done. The angel was already teetering, unmoored by the loss of all he had ever known, Sam wouldn’t lay this burden on his overloaded shoulders. He couldn’t.

Everyone else he once called friend or family was either dead or wouldn’t understand. He had no one.

Sam buried his face in his hands. There was a lump in his throat and he squeezed his eyes closed to stifle the tears that threatened to fall. He refused to cry, refused to break, refused with every fiber in his being to let that monster win. He took a deep breath, pushing himself up from his bed.

Sam forced himself to thing of all the good things he’d done, things that Lucifer would never understand, helping people, risking his life to protect someone else, putting his faith in something besides himself. Maybe Lucifer had been good once, a loyal son, a true and righteous angel of the lord, but trauma and his own selfishness had turned him into a husk of what he once was, a dark twisted monster locked inside a human prison. Sam was not going to let that happen to him.

There was no way he was getting back to sleep tonight, but there was something he could do to work off all his anxious energy.

Saving people, hunting things, the family business.

Growing Together

Read it here on AO3

Pairing: Lucain

Rating:T

Tags: human AU, Domestic A, mentions of violence, Lucifer isn’t a good boyfriend. Neither is Cain, They make it work

~~~~~

Cain had had just about enough.

This was the third time this month Lucifer had closed the door in his face after they’d had a disagreement.

Cain knew he should be used to it by now, he had known it when they had finally decided to make their tumbles into bed official, but that didn’t change the fact that Lu’s temper was something he both loved and hated about him.

Many people assumed Lucifer ran hot, but it was actually quite the opposite. His special brand of anger was cold fury, the ferocity of a winter storm, the intensity of a killer avalanche, and all it took was one snowflake to start it off rolling. His temper wasn’t the sudden pain of hot spitting oil, it was the dull throbbing burn of hypothermia before it took your fingers off, the beauty of snow before it buried you.

Still, Cain loved him.

He had known Lucifer’s reputation when they’d met, introduced by his brother Abel in a dirty bar that no one in their right mind would be found in. He didn’t ask how they’d met, he was better off not knowing. He’d heard whispers from Abel’s friends about a man named for the devil whom you didn’t want to cross in a dark alley. He found out later that his reputation was underestimating him.

The rumors said he was a murderer, a torturer, a monster, but Cain hadn’t cared. He had learned early that rumors were often blown out of proportion, and he was more than willing to get to know Lucifer himself instead of letting someone else make that judgement for him. It took a few frenzied meetings in bathroom stalls, and secret rendezvous in dark alleys and seedy hotel before Lucifer felt comfortable to tell him the truth.

It had all been true. He’d killed people, he’d cheated, lied and stolen to get where he was today. Cain found he didn’t care much at all. He had his own skeletons after all. No one was perfect, all he wanted was someone whose baggage went with his.

Cain loved him regardless of his faults, because he accepted who Lucifer was. He didn’t want to change him into something he wasn’t, but he did want to support him as he made those changes on his own.

He understood enough about his boyfriend to know he was selfish, and rash, brilliant and expressive. You couldn’t have the good things, without the bad. You couldn’t have the angel inside without the devil on his shoulder.

Cain knew he wasn’t the best person either, he’d made mistakes, huge mistakes that had left hypothetical bodies in his wake. He’d destroyed his own family, and watched as it imploded all around him. He understood Lu’s complicated feelings about his own family maybe more than most people did, having gone through it himself.

What made them good for each other, what made him love Lucifer, was the fact that sometimes, even if it wasn’t all the time, he was trying. Cain sighed as he leaned against the door frame.

He wasn’t a good person, but Lucifer was his person, and he wanted to love him for everything he was, and everything he was not. There was nothing he could do right now but wait. He knew it would be worth it.

It took two hours, but eventually Lucifer opened the door, with the sheepishly stupid smile Cain always wanted to kiss off his stupid face.

“I’m sorry I’m a dick,” Lucifer apologized quickly.

Cain was a little surprised, because Lucifer almost never said he was worry, even when he was undoubtedly the one at fault.

“Yeah but you’re my dick,” Cain replied, with just the hint of a smile. Lu wasn’t perfect, but he was trying to be better. Cain could work with that.

“Still love me?”

Cain could see the hesitation of Lucifer’s eyes, despite the playful tone of his voice. It wasn’t an excuse for how he acted but inside, Lu was still the child who bore the unseen scars of his upbringing. Cain pulled him down for a kiss.

“Forever.”

Endurance

Read it here on Ao3

Rating: T

Pairings:None

Tags: Introspection, inner monologue, I just love Sam okay?

Summary: Endurance – the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.

Written for the Sincerely Sam Club on SPN Amino.

Prompt: Endurance.

~~~~~~

Most people couldn’t even imagine the different sorts of hell that Sam Winchester had been through. Never in their wildest dreams or darkest nightmares, had anyone faced what he had faced… and survived.

That was what his life had become, not really living, surviving.

He had tried so hard to get away from it all, the life his family had dragged him into. He went to Stanford, he met Jess, he tried to live a normal life, but in the end, it was never enough. Jess died, he left college, and he couldn’t have lived with himself if he didn’t go after whatever had killed her.

His life seemed to come full circle. The thing that had made him want to leave his father and brother in the first place, was the same thing that pulled him right back in.

Sam had always meant to go back, to live the normal life that he’d always wanted, but he never got around to it. Things never stopped coming. First Dad, then Azazel, Castiel, Ruby, Lucifer. He’d been to hell for god sake. It was as if something in the universe was against him having any semblance of a normal life.

There was never any time for him to stop, so he did what he had to to keeping enduring all of it. He ran when he could, tried to eat well, got as much sleep as he could steal away. Personal relationships only made surviving that much harder, so he stopped having them. While Dean slept his way across the continental US, Sam kept his distance, his resolve only crumbling when the pent up frustration inside him and need just to connect with someone else became too much for him to bear.

So many times he almost gave up, so many times when he would have given anything to lay down his burden and just let go, but he pushed on still. Something inside him told him he could do it, even when he felt like he was going to collapse.

Most normal people would have thrown in the towel years ago. They could never catch a break, things always went from bad to worse to hellish so fast for them it made Sam’s head spin. Even when they made the right choices, they never came out on top.

Sam had lost everyone he’d ever cared about at least once, his heart had been broken more times than he could count. He’d watched Dean die, Cas die, his dad die, and still he pressed on even when he felt like his heart had been pulverized to dust.

Sometimes he had no idea why he kept at it, even when it was very clear to him that hunting was how his life would end.

But then he looked into the eyes of the people they had saved, the monsters they’d spared, the future they’d created, and Sam Winchester straightened his spine, and got to work.

He had endured so much, but that’s what Sam was meant to do. When everything around him crumbled, there was only one thing he could do.

Endure.

The Past Loves of Sam Winchester AKA Five Relationships Sam had had and one he wished he did

Read it here on AO3

Pairings: Sam/Jess, Sam/ Madison, Sam/Sarah Blake, Sam/Ruby, Sam/Amelia, Sam/Gabriel

Warnings: Angst , Mentions Canon Deaths, 5+1 Fic

Written for the Sincerely Sam Club on Supernatural Amino

Prompt: Relationships.

Summary: Most people have fond memories of past loves, All Sam has is regrets.

~~~~

1. Jess

Jess was like spring, warm and welcoming the beginning of something wonderful. Sam felt alive when he was with her, shedding his old life like a baby bird breaking out of its shell. He was a new person when he was with her, someone who had never killed a vampire, or almost watched his brother die. With Jess, he was normal, a college boy whose biggest worry was failing his chemistry test. Jessica loved him unabashedly, and he loved her the same way, with the passion of a first love that he was sure would be his last.

And then she burned on the ceiling.

2. Madison

Madison was like fall, brisk and tart and exciting. She was the first person he’d felt anything for since he lost Jess, a completely different flavor than the one he had gotten so used to. She made him want to believe that the monsters he’d grown up to fear could be people like anyone else, that they could live normal lives, even fall in love. She tasted like the first breath of autumn when he kissed her, like the smokiness of a bonfire. Madison came alive in his hands, and she made him feel more alive than he had in months. In her, he had hope that he wasn’t completely broken.

And then she asked him to kill her.

3. Sarah

Sarah was like winter, a bright snowy sunset of a woman. She was every bit as beautiful as the art displayed displayed in her father’s gallery. And she was clever too, didn’t sit back and let Sam and Dean save her from the cursed painting that was wreaking havoc. She put herself at risk, in order to get to the bottom of what was going on. Sam couldn’t say that for everyone. He tried to stop his feelings for her from growing, knowing what would happen. People who he cared about only ended up dead, he hadn’t accounted on her returning his feelings. He let himself enjoy a couple days with her, hoping beyond all hope that someday, he could go back for her.

And then she died.

4.Ruby

Ruby was like summer, hot, brutal and unrelenting. She was addictive in a way he hadn’t tasted before, enticing him down to the very soul. He knew he should stay away from her, he had known from the beginning what she was and what she was capable of, but he didn’t care. There was something freeing about being with her, ignoring the rational part of his brain and do what felt good for once in his life. She was always up for anything, always ready to do what needed to be done, even if it wasn’t the best way. He felt like she was the only one who understood him, the only one who knew what he really was.

And then she betrayed him.

5. Amelia

Amelia was like spring, like a second chance, like the rebirth of his perfect life. Dean was gone, and he’d told Sam not to look for him. Sam didn’t know how he could even begin to put his life back together, and then he hit a dog. Just another bad thing in a string of bad things that always happened to him, and then he met Amelia. Before he knew it, they were living together, living the kind of live he had always dreamed of. He told her about Dean and she told him about Don, and together they began gather the broken pieces of their respective lives, and used them to build a new one together. But Dean came back, and there was no room for Sam.

And then he left her.

+1. Gabriel

Gabriel was like no one Sam had ever known before. He was power and energy wrapped in an enigma, and Sam had barely even begun to scratch the surface. He hated Gabriel and he admired him. Gabriel had tortured him, played on his pain, but he had also help him see his faults, and in the end, Sam forgave him. But it was too late, by the time Sam realized the depth of his feelings for the archangel, he was lying dead on the floor of a dirty motel. He’d gone up to bat for them, thrown himself into the fire, and paid with what he’d been running from his entire existence.

Sam had lost so many people he loved, it was hard to say which one had hurt the most. But this one, this hurt in a different way, because Gabriel never knew how he felt about him, and now he never would.

Sam buried whatever had been growing between them in the graveyard of his past loves, with all the others, and kept moving forward.

In the Beginning -Gabriel’s Origins: Part 2

Summary: Gabriel had always been aware the Michael and Lucifer were a little different than the rest of them. Everything about them was black or white, right or wrong, up or down. There was no middle ground, no shades of gray with the two oldest of his brothers. When they loved, it was absolute, and nothing would sway them from that course, but they fought with the same ferocity.

Read the rest here: Part 1 |

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1945

Warnings: Fighting, angst, violence

In The Beginning – Gabriel’s Origins Master List

This was written as the second part of @archangelgabriellives‘s 2400 followers celebration. Thank you Alison for this wonderful challenge, I had so much fun writing it and I can’t see where it goes from here!

~~~~~~~~~

Gabriel had always been aware the Michael and Lucifer were a little different than the rest of them.

Everything about them was black or white, right or wrong, up or down. There was no middle ground, no shades of gray with the two oldest of his brothers. When they loved, it was absolute, and nothing would sway them from that course, but they fought with the same ferocity.

When they first started fighting, Gabriel had simply shrugged it off as something that happened, angels fought all the time, but they got more and more frequent and worse and worse in intensity.

It got to the point where they shook all of Heaven. The other angels cowered, hiding in clusters, talking in frightened whispered as if Michael or Lucifer could hear them. Gabriel wanted to, he wanted to run and run until he couldn’t hear it, but the others were looking to him for guidance, and despite the fact that each shout made his knees quake, he pretended like it was beneath his notice.

His father didn’t seem to notice, so Gabriel tried to put it behind him.

Between his shouting matches with Michael, Lucifer was growing restless. He paced Heaven like a caged animal, one moment open and friendly and the next, sending their siblings scrambling with the barest of glances. Gabriel tried to keep him busy, hoping beyond all hope that he could reach him, to pull him back from the edge where he was so precariously teetering before it was too late. That was how Gabriel ended up learning magic.

It had started with just a few simple things, creating small objects, sleight of hand tricks that were only good for a laugh, and Lucifer was more than happy to teach him. The other angels stayed away from him, too intimidated by his reputation or too scared of displeasing Michael to even try. But Gabriel wasn’t scared of his brother.

Lucifer stood in the heavenly grove where they had chosen to practice, his empty hand held out in front of him.

“Watch closely,” he instructed, his voice steady and even.

Gabriel stared into his brother’s palm and watched in awe as a butterfly manifested itself out of thin air. It fluttered its wings gently, before taking off into the air.

“The trick is not making them too perfect,” Lucifer explained. “Little imperfections here and there, but not enough to really draw the eye. You try.”

Gabriel held out his hand, pushing his grace down his arm and out his hand, just like Lucifer had taught him. He closed his eyes and another butterfly appeared in his palm, wings brushing gently against his fingers.

Lucifer bent forward, examining the creature with a discerning eye. “Good…for a first try,” he grinned, and it was almost like the old Lucifer was looking back at him, instead of the monster who had all but replaced him. “Let’s try something a little harder.”

Lucifer stood back from him, his wings stretched out wide behind him. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. With his exhale, a doppelgänger faded into view next to him.

Gabriel couldn’t contain his awe. “Oh my Dad!” He exclaimed, circling the double in excitement. It was his brother up and down, through and through. There was not a single difference that he could spot. “How did you… what?….why?…I don’t even care!” He laughed. “Teach me!”

Lucifer returned his laughter. “It’s the same as the butterfly,” he explained, snapping his fingers. Another double appeared next to the second, but this one was their brother Raphael. “Why don’t you try? Do Michael.”

“M-Michael?”

His brother’s face lost its relaxed look, tightening his mouth into a straight line. “Yes, Michael,”

“I could do myself first…or Castiel…or…”

“Michael,” Lucifer insisted, stepping closer to him.

Gabriel couldn’t hesitate again, he knew that if he did, Lucifer would get angry and that was exactly what he was trying to avoid. He snapped his fingers quickly, hoping that if he did it, the Lucifer he loved would return.

His Michael popped into existence, looking almost as menacing as the original. Lucifer grinned, but there was no warmth in his smile, only a manic sort of intensity.

Gabriel was relieved when Jeremiah appeared over a cloudbank, flying as if his very life depended on it.

“What do you want?” Lucifer growled as their brother landed, his eyes darting questioningly at the Michael double that was standing next to Gabriel.

“M-m-Michael said to fetch you…sir,” Jeremiah told him, looking down and not meeting Lucifer’s angry gaze. “He…he wanted you to come at once.”

Gabriel could feel the rage pulsing off his brother like a typhoon, dark, intense and unpredictable. It made him want to throw up.

“Tell Michael, I will be there soon,” Lucifer replied through gritted teeth, dismissing Jeremiah with a wave of his hand. Jeremiah made himself scarce.

He was barely out of sight when Lucifer exploded.

“Who does he think he is?!” He raged, every trace of the calm he’d been exhibiting when they’re started wiped from his face. “That he can beckon me to his side like a dog? I am not one of his cronies!”

“Lu, I know. He doesn’t mean it like that-“ Gabriel tried, but Lucifer would not be stopped.

“I am his equal, not his subordinate!” Lucifer screamed. “He has gotten prideful. He thinks he’s Father!”

“He’s not Dad,” Gabriel pleaded. “It’s okay, it’s …Lu, please-“

Gabriel watched in horror as Lucifer withdrew his blade, and sunk it into the double Michael’s chest, watching with twisted joy as he contorted in pain and expired, light shooting out of his eyes. Lucifer held the double while he died, twisting his blade until there was no more pain to be drawn.

He pulled his blade out, wiping it on his tunic as the double melted into nothingness. He fixed Gabriel with a dark stare, as if challenging him to say or do anything, but Gabriel was frozen, watching the monster wearing his brother’s face.

“Now,” Lucifer composer himself, his angry countenance melting into one of a penitent. “If you’ll excuse me, I have our brother to attend to.”

~~~~~~~

By the time Lucifer summoned Gabriel for his next lesson, Lucifer was in a much better mood. Michael had been away from Heaven on some mission from their Father, and in his absence, Lucifer was calm and relaxed.

“Have you been practicing?” Lucifer asked Gabriel, reclining on a cloud in a different glade than last time. Gabriel thought it best to get as far away from the rest of his siblings as possible. They didn’t understand.

“I have,” Gabriel grinned at him. He’d been practicing incessantly since the last time, hoping he could distract Lucifer with his progress. He snapped his fingers, and a double of himself appeared beside them.

Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up, he looked impressed, if only for a moment as he circled Gabriel’s double. “Good,” he nodded. “You’re doing great, Gabe,”

“I’m just getting started,” Gabriel challenged, snapping his fingers three times more. Doubles of himself, Raphael and Michael fell in line besides the first.

His brother hesitated for just a moment, and Gabriel’s hearted swelled with pride. He could tell that he’d caught his brother off guard, but he wasn’t through quite yet. He snapped once more.

A double of their father appeared.

“Gabriel…” Lucifer whispered, reaching out to touch their Father gently on his face. “You’ve truly outdone yourself,” he said with a grin. “Now, the true test… make them speak… all of them.”

Gabriel swallowed. He’d been expecting Lucifer to test him like this, doubles weren’t doubles unless they could speak and act like the original after all, but could he make them all speak at once?

He took a deep breath and concentrated, reaching out with his grace just like Lucifer had taught him. This was no different than the butterfly, he told himself, no different at all. Lucifer believed in him, always believed in him, even if Michael and Raphael looked down on him, and he would show him he was worthy of his confidence.

The doubles began conversing with each other, each of them in a voice that sounded identical to their own. Gabriel flashed Lucifer a smile, reveling in the look of approval his brother gave him.

“Well…” came a voice from behind them. “That was… fascinating.”

They both turned with a start to find Michael and Raphael standing behind them. Raphael looked almost thunderstruck, but Michael, Michael was wearing a look that made Gabriel want to run and hide.

“So this is what you’ve been teaching him, brother?” Michael asked. “This blasphemy?”

“It’s none of your business,” Lucifer shot back, his wings flaring out behind him. “Not everything needs your approval.”

Michael kept a straight face. “With Father gone-“

“You aren’t Dad, Michael,” he yelled. “Stop trying to be!”

Gabriel tensed. Even though Michael looked calm, Gabriel could tell from his posture he was seething. No one talked back to him, least of all his brother.

“Lucifer, I’m sure you didn’t mean that,” he said calmly. “I’ll give you time to …compose yourself,”

Lucifer’s lip twitched. “I meant every word,” his blade slid into existence.

“Brother, don’t make me do this,” Michael sighed, his own blade appearing in his hand.

“No one makes us do anything,” Lucifer snarled.

Gabriel couldn’t take it anymore. “Stop!” He screamed, getting between them. “Both of you just stop!”

Neither of his brothers moved, their eyes on him, each gaze different but the same in their intensity.

“Gabriel…” Michael addressed him. “There’s no reason to get upset, Lucifer was just-“

“No, Michael,” Gabriel would not be silenced. He couldn’t do this, something was broken in his family and he had to do something about it. “You’ve both changed,” he shouted. “Dad wouldn’t want this!”

“Well Dad isn’t here anymore, is he?” Lucifer growled, keeping one eye on Gabriel and the other on Michael and Raphael.

“Whose fault is that?” Michael retorted. “We all know he left because of you!”

Gabriel could listen to no more, he launched himself into the sky, away from his brothers, away from everything he loved and held dear. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

He had tried time and time again to make them stop fighting. He’d tried talking to them each of them, he’d tried talking to both of them, he’d even tried having Raphael talk to them but nothing ever stuck. They always promised they would stop, but they never did for long. The feeling of helplessness blossomed in his gut as he flew, knowing that one day this would all come to a head.

Some day, some day soon, they would go too far. It made him sick just to think of it, it would be more than he could bear, and there was nothing he could do to avoid it.

One of them would kill the other and Gabriel, Gabriel would be forced to watch it all

… unless….

Lucifer found him hours later, curled up under his wings in a forgotten corner of heaven, still trying to get the anger in his brothers’ voices out of his head.

“Gabe?”

Gabriel looked through his wings at his brother.

“Michael and I, we’re sorry,” he said, laying a hand on Gabriel’s back. “We didn’t mean it, it’s…hard with Dad being gone…it won’t happen again.”

Like every time they’d said it before, Gabriel knew that was a lie.

He would be forced to watch one of his brothers die, felled by the other’s hand.

Unless he did something about it.

______________

Chapter 3 by: @phantomwarrior12

Gabriel Origins Authors: @ttttrickster @phantomwarrior12 @digi-doubles @sugar-high-viking@callmemisshorizon @maximumsuckage @tricksterxangel @sp8b8 @nobodys-baby-nowthewhiterabbit42 @warlockwriter @lastsavinggrace @archangelsanonymous @archangelashiah@archangel-with-a-shotgun

The Brighter the Light

Read in here on AO3 – Read the rest of “Lessons in Healing” series here

Rating:T

Pairing: Sabriel

Word Count: 548

Tags: SPOILERS, SPOILERS FOR SEASON 13, SPN SPOILERS, Coda, Coda fic, Coda for 13X22, nightmares, angst, sadness

Summary: “The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.”

― Jay Kristoff, Nevernight

Sam’s dreams were filled with light.

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel@ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13 @littlexcas @revwinchester@thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationspostsmaui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal @fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~~

Sam’s dreams were filled with light.

It was bright, brighter than he’d ever seen, blocking out every other sight around him. He squinted, holding his hand up, trying to shield his eye so he could see where it was coming from. The light enveloped him fully, making him feel like he’d sunk into a warm deep bath. It was all around him, seeping into his very skin.

“All I did on earth was run, I’m not running any more.”

The words reverberated around him, and with every syllable, the light dimmed until Sam could finally see where it was coming from.

Gabriel

The light was coming from Gabriel, and the angel blade buried deep in his chest.

Time seemed to reverse as the events of the last day flooded in. Sam was drowning in them, trying to keep afloat in a sea of torment and guilt.

Sam saw the ever-shifting light of the rift they had open, he saw the people from the other world crossover one by one. He saw himself and Dean, Lucifer and finally Gabriel, his mouth set in a straight line, the most solemn Sam had ever seen him.

His heart sank before he even saw Michael land next to them, knowing what was going to happen and not being able to do a single thing to stop it.

“Gabriel, don’t,”

Sam could only watch as Lucifer and Michael fought, as Gabriel stepped forward and uttered those fateful words.

“All I did on Earth was run, I’m not running any more.”

Sam wanted to scream at him to run, that taking on Michael as weak as he was, was suicide, but no words came out. He could feel the ferocious crackle of power as Michael and Gabriel came together, washing over him like a tidal wave of electricity.

It was over in a matter of minutes.

Sam cried out his name as he saw Michael’s blade hit home, gasping for breath as the smell of scorched feathers engulfed him, and he awoke with a start.

He was trembling, his sheets damp with sour smelling sweat, wound tightly around him like a tourniquet from where he’d tossed in his sleep.

It took Sam a moment to orient himself with where he was. The bunker was full of noise, the low chatter of people talking, snoring, grunting in their sleep, and after the relative silence he was used to, he heard every little sound. What he didn’t hear was what he wanted most.

“Hey, kiddo,”

Sam mopped a hand over his face, trying to drive the memory of Gabriel’s death from his mind. He tried to remind himself that they had thought Gabriel was dead once before, that he’d tricked all of them into believing it and that it was entirely possible he had pulled the same stunt he had last time. It was entirely possible, but Sam knew the truth in his heart.

He took a deep breath and held it, keeping the sob that was tickling the back of his throat trapped within him, until he had no choice but to breathe. Sam grabbed his pillow, holding it to his face as he cried, muffling the anguish that poured out of him like a burst pipe.

Gabriel was gone, and he wasn’t coming back.

In the Dark

Read here on AO3

Rating: M

Pairing: Sabriel

Tags: SPOILERS, Season 13 SPOILERS, SPOILERS for 13X21, Coda, Coda for 13X21, angst, blood, gore

Summary: It all happened so fast.

Sabriel Squad: @doctor-zyre @toastiel @sammy-spirit-winchester @nanika67 @belabee @loudenswainfangirl @wacheypena @gabe-killed-me-with-ace-cream @xbooksandtea @team-gabriel @moostache @tricksterxangel @ourloveisforthelovely @sarahij84 @iamsuoerwholockedforever @quaker-wtf-lass @monochrome-maiden @reallyscj @audreyholmes13 @littlexcas @revwinchester @thegirlofmanyfandoms10125 @randomizationsposts @maui137 @queenofhellisafangirl @dean-cass-sammy @moonlightrosepetal @fandomrandomnessrandomly

~~~~~~

It all happened so fast.

One moment it was quiet, the only sound their own breathing in the dark, and the next, the air was filled with screams.

At first, Gabriel didn’t know what happened. He was moving the rocks that blocked their way as fast as he could, his skin crawling at the thought of the things that lurked in the dark. If he’d been full powered, they would have been no problem, but his grace …dysfunction left him feeling vulnerable.

He didn’t even hear them until they grabbed someone. He turned to see a flurry of activity and to hear Sam and Dean screaming each other’s names.

He rushed over to help, but it was all over so quickly. What he did see was two vamps holding Sam and then the sickening spurt of blood as they ripped into his throat.

Gabriel felt as if time around him stop, as if each second was a drip of water slowly rolling down a slick surface and eventually dropping to the ground. He didn’t hear the strangled cry that tore from his throat, or the scream of anguish from Dean that punched the air like a sucker punch.

He was frozen as the creatures dragged Sam away, Dean and Castiel charging down the dark corridor after him.

Each moment stretched longer and longer, the beating of his heart echoing in his ears. Finally, Dean and Cas returned, Dean’s face white and drawn.

They were alone.

Sam was gone, and he had done nothing to stop it.

Dean lead the group out of the cave in tense silence, but Gabriel’s mind would not be quiet.

Coward.

Worthless.

Joke.

Failure.

He was an archangel, one of the most powerful beings that his father had ever created and he couldn’t even muster the grace to protect one lousy human.

Sam was the only person that had ever believed in Gabriel, the only one who had ever given a damn about what he was feeling after he’d be rescued from Asmodeus. He had put his faith in Gabriel, and he had paid for it with his life.

Sam was dead because of him.

Tears blurred Gabriel’s vision as they stepped into the light. Everything in him screamed to go back for Sam, but he knew it was hopeless. Sam was dead and there was not a single thing he could do about it.

Everything from there on out was a blur, as lost as he was in his own head. His ancient brain pulled every memory he had of Sam back from their first meeting at Crawford Hall to the more recent look of horror at his momentary indiscretion with the witch whose name he didn’t even care to remember.

Nothing registered with him, not Mary or Castiel or Dean, not until he met his nephew, Jack.

Gabriel saw a flash of Lucifer in him, but that was quickly replaced. Although he may have had Lucifer’s proud bearing, everything about him was Cas and Sam. Gabriel felt another bittersweet rush of affection for Sam. He didn’t owe Jack anything, and yet Gabriel could tell from the way he was speaking that Sam had gone out of his way to make him feel loved and wanted despite who his father was and what he had done.

Jack was pacing, as if torn between anger and sorrow, and Gabriel couldn’t even look at him.

“Why didn’t you bring him back?” He asked, glaring between Cas and Gabriel.

Gabriel’s voice cracked, and he felt the weight of every word on his tongue like a shot through his heart.

“Not strong enough.”