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Sam Winchester speaks to his trauma Excerpt from Hypable article (x) 

Sam Winchester is a very special kind of hero. Every main character on this show has been kicked around to high heaven, but Sam has arguably suffered more trauma than anyone else. From day one, he was marked for a terrible fate, fed demon blood to prime him as a weapon of hell, in a story that eventually grew into the apocalyptic climax of the show’s original era – the reveal that he was pretty much bred into existence to become the perfect vessel for Lucifer himself, as Dean is for Michael. After being possessed by Lucifer, violated and tortured by him in the Cage for an unearthly length of time, and then stalked by hallucinations of him until he became insane, the fact that Sam Winchester is still kind, hopeful and standing tall today is nothing short of a miracle.

Over the years we have seen much unspoken subtext regarding this trauma in Jared Padalecki’s exemplary performances. Whenever Lucifer and Sam are in the same room, the man practically trembles, no matter how determined he is to get whatever the job at hand is done. Lucifer doesn’t make Sam weak, exactly – no one could ever call Sam Winchester weak – but he is constantly and realistically triggered by his PTSD. You can feel it, in every line of his body, in every word that he stutters, in every moment. But it’s rarely been actually addressed onscreen, even – somewhat egregiously – when Lucifer was living in their home, inside Castiel.

This season, that all changed. In “Various and Sundry Villains,” Sam finds an unlikely connection in Rowena – her outpouring about Lucifer leads to Sam sharing his own innermost truths, for the first time. All those years of watching Sam push his trauma down – it finally boils over and bubbles out, as he admits how present that damage still is, how deeply he represses it and how he doesn’t know how to talk about it.

It’s a credit to Padalecki that we knew all this already, just from his acting, and there have been other moments that have proven that Sam’s ability to compartmentalize, about pretty much everything, is often what keeps him functioning. But hearing it spoken so honestly was one of the most validating moments in the show’s history, raising the bar on Sam’s entire series arc.

But even before that incredible development, season 13 was already giving Sam a refreshingly insightful voice, in some really special ways. Sam has always had some issues with accepting any sort of power for himself – Padalecki once explained them to Hypable as those of an addict, so given his history, they’re fears, perhaps, of what he has the potential to become – but in season 12, we saw Sam take on more of a leadership role, on the first steps to potentially overcoming those fears. That sense of self-empowerment continued in season 13, and Jack was a wonderful vehicle to explore that for Sam.

Through parenting Jack, we see Sam both as a role model, and taking a second chance for self-care, in a way. Here is a child, a child with powers that he doesn’t understand, a child labelled by the wider world as inevitably evil, and Sam is almost immediately able to recognize a kindred spirit, one who needs the help of someone who has been there before.

Sam’s compassion for Jack is 100% genuine, but we see his compartmentalization in play a little, because he also 100% wants Jack to be able to help rescue Mary, so his determination does rise to the surface in frustration as he works with Jack on honing his power. But he quickly course-corrects and is more open with Jack his circumstances, and from then on out the pair are pretty much bonded for life, which leads to the season’s incredible climax of Lucifer attempting to pit the pair against one another before the Archangel Dean swoops in to save the day.

As the season progresses, Sam is forced to confront the reality of Lucifer more and more, and he eventually falls prey to the hopeless nihilism that Dean suffered from earlier. Sam, always a big picture thinker, starts to fall to pieces and becomes very lost without a clear path to follow, but his resolve is reset as the gang begins to amass unexpected allies and a plan takes shape.

The end of the season is a rollercoaster for him, as we get to see him oh-so-satisfactorily watch Lucifer get used and abused for his grace, and then suffer the horror of not only being killed by monsters but resurrected by Lucifer himself, as a bargaining chip to get close to Jack. Sam is clearly very troubled by being in Lucifer’s debt in any way, but not much time is left to ponder on the consequences of that before he gets to help his big brother slay his greatest oppressor. His joy is, of course, short-lived, but that’s a problem for season 14…